TRAVIS! You're a year too late!

Does anyone remember that old Levi’s commercial? I think it’s supposed to be about this gorgeous young woman who is sick and tired of waiting for her boyfriend to come around. Literally or emotionally, I’m not sure which. But she was over it. That one line was her “declaration of independence”, so to speak.

Well, I’m over something too, so I think I’ll blog about it and make this my declaration of independence! I’m finally ready to end the emotionally abusive relationship I have with the scale once and for all! I tried to make it work, I really did, but I’ve just been on a merry-go-round for two months and it’s time to get off before I vomit all over myself.

I suppose it started out as an experiment of sorts. First, I went a month without the scale, and following the simple “law of thermodynamics” (calories in .vs calories out); I lost 4 pounds (I did check in after a month). My jeans fit and I was feelin’ fly. I felt so liberated and free! I really wanted and deserved to be happy and healthy. So naturally, my lifestyle followed suit. After the first month however, I thought, maybe it’s o.k. to keep the scale out? Clearly, I’ve conquered whatever it is that is keeping me from my goals. I’ve figured out what to do now, and it’s definitely working!

Why did I change my mind and allow the scale back into my life? I just did. It’s symptomatic of an enabler, or a co-dependent relationship, or something like that. I thought I had changed, the scale changed, our relationship had evolved and changed. But no, I’m the same. And I’m great….I’m just no good with the scale.

Before you roll your eyes and give me a lecture, let me assure you that I already know, on an intellectual level, that it’s not the numbers on the scale that matter. We all know that. But do you want to know what else I know? I know that we all know many, many things on an” intellectual level”, but it really doesn’t always matter, does it? Just “knowing” something doesn’t prevent each and every one of us from acting from a more emotional place sometimes, right?

For whatever twisted reason, I decided to allow the scale back into my life, permanently. For the next month, I did exactly the same thing that I did for the first month (ate less, exercised more). I kept weighing, and weighing, and weighing. The difference this time was that I didn’t lose anything! The only thing I lost was hair (from pulling it out!), confidence in my ability to achieve my goals, optimism, and my feelings of self worth. I found myself back in this cycle of feeling good about myself, hopping on the scale, and in one fell swoop being completely deflated and reduced to a big, fat pile of failure. But I would go back, again and again and again. I lost two inches from my waist!!! But you know what? The scale is right…those jeans are still snug. I’m still fat. That’s right…it’s right.

I don’t quite understand exactly HOW it is that I can do the same things and not get the same results, but I had an idea and gave Rob a pretty terrible example. You know how in the beginning of a relationship, you’re on your best behavior? You dress cute, your hair is always cute, your makeup is cute, you’re just so damned cute all the time! It’s because there is an element of the unknown in your relationship. You can’t take for granted that you will be together forever and ever, but if you want your partner to stick around, maybe donning a daily uniform of sweat pants (even if they have the word “Juicy” scrawled across the butt) and flip flops isn’t the best idea. Then you get married, or in some other way solidify your relationship (this was the terrible example part), and you can slack off a little bit. No one will notice if you go without lip gloss on Saturday! The bobby pin doesn’t look THAT lame in your unwashed hair, right?

When the scale is gone, there is that same element of the unknown. I wonder if it’s working? I think I’ll pass on the cookies this time…just in case. But I feel great! My jeans fit! This is awesome (new relationship feeling)!!! Then the scale comes back and is firmly stuck to the hairspray fall out on the bathroom floor, and I know it’s here to stay, and it’s not as romantic as it used to be, and maybe, just maybe, I’m having more cookies now and then. Why not? Apparently, it doesn’t matter. The scale isn’t going anywhere and neither is my butt.

Well guess what? The scale is going somewhere….for good! (Unless I change my mind in a month, which I very well may because I can, and do, change my mind often)

Rob doesn’t have the same relationship with the scale, however, so he doesn’t want to toss it, sell it, or smash it with a sledge hammer (my suggestion). The scale tells him good things like, “Wow, you took the slice of cotto salami out of your daily sandwich? Now look at you with your lean, 14 pounds lighter self!!” I never knew a scale could be so fickle! I told Rob that he can have this one indiscretion, but I don’t want to hear about it, and I certainly don’t want to see it! I’m cool like that.

As of tomorrow (because Rob has to come home and hide it), I am scale-free. I already feel more awesome and empowered! More confident and optimistic! Lighter even! Like a great weight has been lifted! I think I’ll go weigh myself!!! Oh wait…..