No, Really. Where Is The Normal Person’s Large?

I don’t usually write two blog entries back to back, but I am outraged! Ok, maybe not outraged. I am deeply annoyed!

For the past few weeks, I have been admiring a cute Prana yoga top in the window of The Passionate Athlete (a store downtown) and decided that TODAY, in order to reward myself for "The Consistency With Which I’ve Been Practicing Yoga of Late" (I try to celebrate as many small milestones as my bank account allows), I would BUY it! Yay me!

I grabbed a few different colors and patterns in “Large”, because well, I’m tall and a little broad in the shoulders. At this point, I should tell you that, yes, I think I need to lose 10-15 pounds but I don’t know that I would say I’m “overweight” anymore, especially now that I’m back within the healthy BMI range. I’m just not “little”. On the other hand, I don’t think of myself as a “big girl” either. Let’s call me “average” with the proverbial 10-15 pounds to lose. Am I delusional? Because I’m beginning to think I am.

SO a large, right? And then maybe I’ll need to go down to a medium? WRONG! The thing was so tight that the cute pattern was stretched way beyond recognition and I looked more like a paisley-patterned sausage than the yoga goddess I had envisioned in my head. Hey, thanks Prana! I was just starting to feel good about my size! How am I supposed to believe I’m a healthy weight when your size “Large” is about three sizes too small? Is it any wonder that women so often feel they need to lose weight even if they’re in the healthy range? Hello, manufacturers? How about making clothes that actually FIT average people. And call it a “MEDIUM” while you're at it. Really? I have to be in an exclusive club to buy your clothes and all that’s required is that I don’t eat anymore? Ever? Cool, sign me up.

All of these thoughts went through my head as I dejectedly (and with a great amount of effort, let me tell you) wriggled out of the too-tight top and back into my stretchy Wal-Mart tank top (yeah…I know, it's an evil, corporate, big box store, but they make tops that FIT normal people!).

Here is the conversation I had with the sales woman, who may, or may not have called the authorities to report an unstable woman wandering around downtown:

SW: “SO? How did it work out?”
Me: “It didn’t. Too small. The pattern was stretched beyond recognition and I looked like a sausage.”
SW: “Would you like me to get you a larger size?”
Me: “This WAS the larger size. You know…this always happens to me and it’s soooo frustrating. Look at me. I don’t look that over weight to you, do I? I mean, I’m 5’8” and weigh 150 pounds(I lied a little). Am I, like, SUPER LARGE? Because a LARGE doesn't fit me!”
SW: “Noooo, not at all! You just have broad shoulders. And you’re tall!”
Me: “So why are these large and extra large tops so tiny? Who the hell can fit into these except for tiny people?”
SW: “Really, I know. I see small women buying these in large all the time.”
Me: “So this is really a tiny person’s large. I see. Do you carry the real large? Like the average person’s large?
SW: “Um…You could try Nordstrom. I think they carry this style in extra large?”
Me: “No!! You know what? I’m not buying a top in extra large when I AM NOT an extra large person.” (I said this in my really annoyed/almost outraged tone) “I’m really frustrated. I should write to the company and tell them that they need to change how they size their clothing because I am a normal sized person and I should be able to fit into their clothes!”
SW: “You really should write to them! You tell ‘em!” (at this point I realized she may not actually be on my side and is starting to look a little uneasy…you know, like when you’re talking to someone and realize they may not be “all there”?).
Me: “I will! I’m going to! They could have another customer if their sizes were right!”
SW: “Yeah. They could. You should.”
Me: “Yeah, no. I’m not going to write to them. They just lost a customer. I’m not going to tell them why. They’ll notice it in their lack of SALES!” I chuckled. (Ok, I know this is a really lame reason to give for not writing the letter. And I’m sure the sales woman could care less if I wrote one or not. I just didn’t want to lie and say I was going to do something and then feel like a loser for “never getting around to it” because I knew I wouldn't. I felt like I was running out of steam at this point. I was kind of over it. And now I'm eyeing the cute sweaters in the store that look nice and big and cuddly so....)

Some awkward silence

Me: “You have really cute sweaters though! They look big. It’s about that time of year!!”
SW: “Yeah. It is. Thanks for coming in!”

So that was that. Shown the door, so to speak. HUMUNGOUS people not welcome here. Come again when you can actually fit into a GIANT sized Prana yoga top. Like when you’re a size 2.

Whatever. I’m shrugging it off because I know I’m right. I’ve seen the type of woman who wears this top anyway. Narrow-shouldered, skinny little hungry people (or just naturally thin or petite women, I’m not trying to hate on you). Well, you can keep your Prana. And Prana - a tip for you, you little fledgling wanna-be green and eco friendly home grown sustainable over priced exclusive skinny person clothing manufacturer quickly becoming a blood sucking sell out giant corporation trying to save a buck by chintzing on the material and calling a petite a LARGE, you! You just lost a customer because FYI - you’re pants DO fit me, and they’re cute! But I’m not buying them anymore unless the matching top fits too! A-holes.