Changes, Decisions...Oh How I Hate Those!

I am a creature of habit, a champion of balance. I love routine. I need to know what I'm doing next. It makes me happy. A Tuesday after a holiday weekend, such as this last one, sees me pulled over on the side of the road trying to figure out where to go. Should I go to the office that I usually go to on Monday? Or do I go to the one I go to on Tuesday? Is today my Monday? Or should I treat it as a normal Tuesday? Perhaps I should work from home? I'm a mess.

This example is just a small one, but clearly illustrates my "issues". An even stranger phenomenon occurs when I start to think that there may be a big change coming. I completely freeze. I pull over to the figurative side of the road and wait there....indefinitely. Until whatever change is likely to occur, actually happens.

Right now, we're contemplating a move. My son lives with his dad part time in Fremont, and part time with us here in Pleasanton. He started Kindergarten in Fremont and is now in the 6th grade at the same cute, little old-timey school. We love that school. When I moved out to Pleasanton 10 years ago, the intention was to have Jacob (eventually, maybe?) go to school out here. We are within walking distance of some of the highest ranked elementary, middle, and high schools in Northern California (Amador Valley High in Pleasanton is ranked 100-something, while Washington High School in Fremont is 861st).

But alas, things have not (as they rarely do) gone as planned.

We live in a great neighborhood. Tons of kids. He doesn't know a single one of them. But he has thrived in his school. He has loved every teacher he's had and is really excited to start Junior High next year with all of his friends. And he has a lot of friends...there. He's athletic. He plays basketball and baseball and begs every year to also play football (it's still a "no."). The coaches all know him. He was an All Star last year! I just can't see taking that all away. No way. It's too late.

Once I realized he most likely wasn't going to go to school out here in Pleasanton, I thought; "Well, we'll just stay out here in case he starts to slack off, or get in trouble. We can threaten him with the Pleasanton School System like it's Military or Reform School!" But that's kind of a lame, negative, and quite possibly, a self- fulfilling-prophecy type of thing to lord over a kid.

But we've stayed out here anyway. We do love Pleasanton. I love it enough to do a LOT of driving to Fremont and back (it's about 25-30 minutes each way). But the charm is wearing off a bit. Especially since next year, he has to be at school earlier and the Junior High is 45 minutes from here. Imagine an early day, I pick him up at 1, drive 45 minutes home because there is nothing to do in Fremont for three hours and he should work on his homework, then take him 45 minutes back down to practice some sport or another, wait in my car or go grocery shopping for two hours because it's not enough time to come home and go back, then come back...'nother 45 minutes. That's what my Wednesdays are like now, and sometimes other days. And weekends for sure. Thank God his dad takes him to practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays!

My fear is that, if we stay here, I may eventually lose my measly little half of the parenting role. The older he gets, the longer and more often he'll have practices. He might get a girlfriend one day. He might drive a car. Oh god. I'll never see him again!

His dad is great. He's safe there. He has friends and has fun. But I'm not ready for an empty nest yet. He's 11 for crying out loud.


So, I'm selling myself on Niles (again...although I always did love that quirky little town), and I think Rob (thinks he) might like it too (he's just taking my word for it thus far). Niles is one of those neighborhoods where everyone knows everyone else, kids run around wild like they did in the 50's and 60's (although you might see a comment on the Niles Yahoo! User Group to keep your kids quiet if they're out rabble rousing past dark). You can walk to the neighborhood market, Mr. Mikey's, for candy and soda, there are fishing holes, a swimming lagoon, an "un-official and slightly illegal" dog park that has pot lucks every weekend for the dog owners, biking/hiking trails along the Alameda Creek that go 13 miles out to Coyote Hills and the bay, neighborhood tennis courts, and on Saturday nights, you can even walk over to the silent film museum (Niles is where Charlie Chaplin made some of his first movies) and watch a silent film with live piano accompaniment. Really. They have a 2nd Saturday Art Walk that they have had for years. Pleasanton is just trying to start one of those. Just now trying to start it. Humph. Rob calls it "the land that time forgot." How cute, right?


If that's where Jacob belongs for now, I think that might be where we belong for now too. But I'm still conflicted and in that "mulling things over" stage. It's quite an emotional decision for me. I used to actually have nightmares that I moved back to my hometown. I was SO over it 10 years ago. Am I over that? I think for Jacob's sake, I can be. And it doesn't have to be permanent (one of the many joys of home rentership - we can pack up and move whenever and wherever we want).

So what does any of that have to do with my blog?

Well, because I don't know where I'll be living a year from now, I'm slightly depressed, or maybe confused is a better word, eating poorly and not exercising. Yes. I need to know. The thing is, it could be another YEAR or more before we move. Houses in the old town district of Niles don't come available very often. And when they do, they are most likely to be 2 bedroom tiny homes built in 1926....which we would love, I'm sure...but we need a bit more room. This could take a while!

In the meantime - I really need to get off this "contemplation wagon" and get back into my routine; eating healthy, yoga, walking, hiking, whatever I need to do to feel relaxed and happy. Because this is not working!

That's  what's up with my world. CrAzY!!!! (not really that crazy...but it doesn't take much I'm afraid). I'm going to just have to trust that things will work out as they should. And whatever we do, it won't be a mistake. Yikes!

I'm up three pounds due to "waffle weight"  (waffling back and forth with this decision, not to be confused with eating waffles).

You've heard the saying "Fake it 'til you make it." I do not feel like doing yoga right now. I feel like perusing the Internet in case a house has been posted in the last, oh, 25 minutes. What if I miss the "message from the Universe" by being inattentive?

But I'm gonna fake my way through it anyway. I must.