The Long Version Of My FB Status

This is a recent Facebook Status:

“Stand outside and take a look around. Everywhere is beauty. Even the seemingly imperfect in nature is beautiful. Now look within. Everywhere is beauty, both perfect and imperfect. Mother Nature and Human Nature both - perfect and imperfect, yet still beautiful. Go easy on yourself.”

It’s really a pared down version of a concept/idea that I was mulling over yesterday as I practiced yoga outside in the gazebo. Yoga is a really special time for me because it puts me in a place – both mentally and physically, where I can quietly reflect on things without a lot of “inner chatter”. Physically, it allows me to move, stretch, and balance my body and my breath in a way that deepens my awareness and appreciation for my body and the life that it supports. I always feel grateful and beautiful at the end of my yoga practice, no matter my current “weight status”. Intellectually, it relaxes my mind and allows me to think and reflect on things that I otherwise wouldn’t have the time or mental clarity to dwell on. Often, I feel like I can see things more clearly during, and immediately following, my yoga practice. Sometimes, these thoughts and reflections carry over into conversations that Rob and I have later on in the evening where they are tossed around, smoothed out, speculated on, and expanded upon until they become fully formed and verbalized in a way that makes sense, not just yoga-psycho-babble.

This particular idea during this particular yoga practice was very apropos because I had just blogged about “getting back in the saddle” on this weight loss/exercise thing, albeit a bit apathetically. I’m happy. And if everything is so perfectly beautiful and beautifully imperfect…how does one find the impetus to work on oneself, and does one even need to work on oneself given the nature of all of this perfect imperfection? At these times of deep contentment and even deeper self-acceptance, I'm much less concerned with what’s going on with my outward physical appearance and my attention turns inward. I’m happy now, yes. Content, yes. But I found it interesting, this idea of imperfection in nature being a reflection of the imperfection of our own human nature, or vice versa. And if this imperfection is beautiful and has purpose “out there”, can’t it be beautiful and serve a purpose “in here” as well?

So there I was. I felt so at peace, out there in the gazebo, observing nature in all of its beauty. Even the odd misshapen leaf, the half eaten moth, and the dried leaves choking out the new growth of wild mint…were all beautiful and exactly right. And as Yoga would have it, that observation quietly moved inward. I realized a few things right away that excited me. First, that there could be a great opportunity for a lesson here, something new to reflect upon during my yoga practice. The second thing I realized is that I’ve got a habit of pointing out my character “imperfections” to myself; quite often and not with anything akin to “loving kindness”. But I have been learning over the years, thanks (I believe) to my Buddhist practice, that I don’t have to be perfect to be a good person (insert “Religion of choice/Mother/Daughter/Wife/Friend” here). There are things about myself that I would love to change, tweak, or obliterate all together. Ego for one…that’s a doozy. Kindness…I could work on that too. I tend to be impatient with people, not very understanding, and easily annoyed by perceived weaknesses in people. I have berated myself for being a “crappy Buddhist”. I eat meat. I’m only compassionate when I make a concerted effort to be, and I don’t meditate very well or often. But these are all things that make me human. And if I weren’t aware of these “imperfections”, I would be obnoxious. So instead, I celebrate them as a reminder of my human-ness. But I can still gently nudge myself in the right direction. I can change and evolve as long as I have breath in my body. My imperfections can be a little less “half eaten moth”, and a little more “misshapen leaf”. I can also embrace them as part of my human nature and let the awareness of them guide my actions to something more “Buddha-like”.

If we gave as much attention to our inner selves as we do our outer selves, if we could see that nature, in its perfect/imperfect beauty is perfectly reflected within each of us, then that knowledge alone might help us to develop compassion and understanding, kindness and love, appreciation and honor, toward those outside of us, yes. And toward ourselves as well.

And this kind of puts the weight loss thing in perspective too.