I'm SO TIRED!!!

I just ran the San Jose Rock & Roll Half Marathon!

I now know what it means when people say that running is a MIND GAME.

Saturday, the day before race day, proved to be the day that my mind tried to royally screw me over, and I WON. I woke up with such severe pain in my shoulder that I couldn't take a breath. It had been hurting for a few weeks. I thought maybe as a result of my lingering cough. But the cough is almost gone. The shoulder should feel better, not worse. It was just too much of a coincidence that as race day approached, the pain got worse. I wasn't feeling particularly prepared for the 1/2 marathon run, emotionally OR physically, and now the pain? Good one, you sneaky subconscious mind! But pain is pain, and as I tearfully sat in front of my computer and desperately reached out to my running friends for EMERGENCY ADVICE (which was forthcoming and a lifesaver, by the way)I thought: "There is no way I can run tomorrow." Thankfully, with the advice of friends and family, and the support of my husband who has taught me a great way to approach mind/body pain, the rest of the day was spent icing, motrin-ing, meditating, and having conversations with my mind that sounded like this: "Do not do this to me now. I don't need this. I've got this one, thank you!". By the time I went to bed, it was feeling much better. And I knew it was feeling better because I felt it improving incrementally throughout my SLEEPLESS NIGHT. Well - you can't win them all, right? But I knew that I could breathe, which meant I knew that I could run.

Race day found me popping out of bed at 5:15, not well-rested maybe, but SOOOO psyched! I was feeling good. I jumped in a hot shower - to wake up, to give my shoulder one last blast of heat, and because I had opted to wear a visor instead of a cap. If you know my hair, well....then you know.

I had time to make my whole wheat bagel with peanut butter and banana, choosing to forgo the honey I had planned to drizzle on it. Just one more gooey thing to try and choke down when I wasn't hungry to begin with. I got my number pinned on fairly straight (first attempt!), my clothes on, my shoes laced, and out the door I went. First stop: Starbucks! I was almost late to Kris' house because I hadn't anticipated what a celebrity I would be in the coffee shop at 6am with a racing number on! A barista, two cops, and a veteran runner/racer all had very nice and encouraging things to say.

Ok...gotta run now, bye!

Nikki and I met Kris at her house and we all drove to downtown San Jose together. We decided to run the race as a team. Me, being the slowest runner, would be the draggy pacer and make sure we kept Nikki's heart rate at around 150-155, which seems to be our easy, conversational pace, and Kris wanted to try the slower pace to see if it would equate to more running, less walking, better overall time (it worked, she beat her Personal Record! Way to go KRIS!!!).

We met up with Tish and Jay who were SO nice to start with us in our "slower" starting corral. Of course we never saw them again until the end (congratulations guys!!), but it was fun to spend some pre-race time with those two!

Anyway- being in the starting corral was probably the most exciting and fun part for me. It just went downhill from there! Not really...but sort of. It just got HARD.

We started off! SO exciting!!! Miles 1-2 are always the hardest for me on "longer runs". The task at hand just seems so daunting. But after mile 2 I got into my groove. It seemed like I was always behind, and always yelling: "Nikki! What's your heart rate?! Because I really think it feels like we're running too fast!!!" (we were barely over 130 at that point, but you can never be too careful!). We ended up with an average mile of 14.4 (I think?), slower than our long run pace, but I was being very adamant about going slow. I wanted to finish this thing!

The bands along the way, the cheer groups, the residents, the friends and family of runners, etc. really helped to keep us going. Just when you think you're done, a stranger telling you what a great job you're doing, or an awesome band playing some funky grooves is just what you need to keep going.

Our plan was to run 8 miles, walk 3, then run the last 2. We ran 7, walked 1, ran another 1.6 or so, walked .5, and ran the last 3. I think? Nikki has the actual stats so she'll need to chime in here. But we did much better than we expected to do!

Miles 1-7 were the easiest. Starting up again after walking was tough, which is why we didn't want to stop too often. Then the final two miles were about the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I kept hearing, and was seriously counting on the fact that I would have an adrenaline rush, an endorphin high, a super renewed energy surge to finish strong. Yeah...what a bunch of crap. The last two miles were brutal. The last .5 mile, excruciating! I was barely hanging on. I was just hoping I wouldn't fall over. My feet felt like lead, I had ZERO energy, and when we went through a tunnel, I thought I was going to pass out. My brain was barely able to register that it was just darker because we were in a tunnel.

The finish line was no where to be found, even though people on the sidelines were yelling that we only had a .5 mile to go. We kept going and going and going, took a turn and "oh my God...is that it WAY down there?" The only reason I kept going was because I had something to prove (to myself), AND my husband and son were going to be waiting at the finish line. Rob worried that I would start out strong and not pace myself to finish strong. I wanted that for myself. He wanted it for me. I needed to do this.

Finally....eventually, we made it across (and then kept running for some unknown reason. I had to tell myself to stop running!). There were no tears of joy, or feeling of massive accomplishment. Mentally, I was on empty. And oh, that's when the pain kicked in. My feet felt like they were only staying attached to my ankles by the grace of God. Forget about my legs,I couldn't really feel them at all except for the broken glass swishing around in my knees. All I knew is that I could walk forward fairly easily, but changing directions took some serious concentration given the mind-to-muscle delay and I had to prep for a direction change a good couple of steps before I needed to (that was really weird). The wet towel felt amazing. The water, downed in a second or two. Then walk, walk, walk through the gauntlet. Grab your medal, have your picture taken. More water? Bagel? Granola bar? Triscuits? Walk, walk, walk (how do we get OUT of HERE?). Eventually we made it "out of the chute". I think they make you do this to cool down, keep walking, and get your wits about you!

And there into the adoring and proud arms of my family! Rob told me that they were barely on their way when he got the text message that we crossed the 10 mile mark. He joked that they had to run a 1/4 mile to the finish line and they were exhausted. HA HA HA!! Oh, that was funny.

We met up with Tish and Jay and a bunch of other people at Mexico Lindo for a well deserved meal and margarita (or two)!

On the way home, I did cry a little bit. I could barely run a block 6 months ago. And today I ran a half marathon. I feel really, really, really freaking good about that!

Now I'm home, hot shower, get it all down in my blog before I forget, and off to do some gentle YOGA in my gazebo and sit alone with myself for awhile.

Will I do it again? HELL NO!!!! Ok, maybe. Maybe I can beat my PR and go for 2:59. I think if it hadn't been for the two porta potty stops, we would have HAD it!