I know...in that way that sometimes I just “know” things...that underneath these pencil ankles, weak shins, and equestrienne knees, regardless of the fact that I have the lung capacity of a 20 year pack-a-day smoker or the speed and ambition of a sloth... "I AM a runner". And if I’m wrong, I’m going to take up racing motorcycles (because I sort of have a feeling about that too). But first, let me follow my instincts with the running thing until I’ve exhausted all hope. I’m a long way from that, by the way, but with the ½ Marathon looming ever nearer, I’ve got some pavement to burn and I better get on it!
This week I got back into “health mode”. Well, ha ha, let me back up a little bit. Yesterday, I DID have a filet-o-fish and fries from McDonald's for an afternoon snack, followed by a 3 piece egg roll/two taco chaser from Jack in the Box for dinner (Whoa! Where did that come from?), but it’s the LAST time! I don’t eat fast food very often, almost never. But when I do...holy trans-fat, this girl can eat! Yikes...
Anyway - aside from the fast food binge, it’s only Thursday and I’ve already got a few short runs under my belt. The plan is to slowly ease my way back up to the mile marker I finally hit before the wedding, and then I’ll move on from there. I’ve practiced yoga a few times, did some meditating, got kind of deep into the nature of my own nature and equally as deep into a few bags of chips. Now I’m ready to get down to business.
Rob likes to say (or is it that I like him to say?) that I do things “The Middle Way”, a reference to Buddhism, which is usually TRUE (unless cheese puffs or potato chips or fast food or wine or candy or chocolate or cigarettes or cheese are involved) and a HUGE compliment. It doesn’t mean “half-assed”, it just means “not in the extreme”. I don’t jump into things 150%, only to then jump out just as quickly when I find that the new lifestyle change or habit doesn’t agree with me. I give it a good 75-80% at all times...consistently (ummm...not so sure I should be admitting this...and with pride?). I plod along, definitely more tortoise than hare-like, maybe a wee bit too tenaciously at times, but definitely not at a full gallop. Perhaps this is why the pounds I lost for the wedding are still gone? Those pounds took FORever to come off, but I think they’re long gone and for good! (Unless I set up a permanent camp in the McDonald's drive through).
So training for a ½ marathon is going to be interesting. I’d rather take my time, build on the running for few years, and then maybe I’ll be ready in say...2015. We’ll just have to see how it goes because, while part of me understands my nature, the other part of me just KNOWS that I am a natural...born...runner (Suze Ormon voice here).
Some how, at some point, when I least expect it, but wish really hard for it (like the way I wished really hard for a pony until I eventually got one), the gossamer wings of Nike that are hiding inside my Brooks will quietly unfurl and I will float effortlessly and serenely across the finish line, like Nike herself, to claim VICTORY!
Until then, I’ll just wait...and wish...and Oh! Probably run a little bit too!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
The Long Version Of My FB Status
This is a recent Facebook Status:
“Stand outside and take a look around. Everywhere is beauty. Even the seemingly imperfect in nature is beautiful. Now look within. Everywhere is beauty, both perfect and imperfect. Mother Nature and Human Nature both - perfect and imperfect, yet still beautiful. Go easy on yourself.”
It’s really a pared down version of a concept/idea that I was mulling over yesterday as I practiced yoga outside in the gazebo. Yoga is a really special time for me because it puts me in a place – both mentally and physically, where I can quietly reflect on things without a lot of “inner chatter”. Physically, it allows me to move, stretch, and balance my body and my breath in a way that deepens my awareness and appreciation for my body and the life that it supports. I always feel grateful and beautiful at the end of my yoga practice, no matter my current “weight status”. Intellectually, it relaxes my mind and allows me to think and reflect on things that I otherwise wouldn’t have the time or mental clarity to dwell on. Often, I feel like I can see things more clearly during, and immediately following, my yoga practice. Sometimes, these thoughts and reflections carry over into conversations that Rob and I have later on in the evening where they are tossed around, smoothed out, speculated on, and expanded upon until they become fully formed and verbalized in a way that makes sense, not just yoga-psycho-babble.
This particular idea during this particular yoga practice was very apropos because I had just blogged about “getting back in the saddle” on this weight loss/exercise thing, albeit a bit apathetically. I’m happy. And if everything is so perfectly beautiful and beautifully imperfect…how does one find the impetus to work on oneself, and does one even need to work on oneself given the nature of all of this perfect imperfection? At these times of deep contentment and even deeper self-acceptance, I'm much less concerned with what’s going on with my outward physical appearance and my attention turns inward. I’m happy now, yes. Content, yes. But I found it interesting, this idea of imperfection in nature being a reflection of the imperfection of our own human nature, or vice versa. And if this imperfection is beautiful and has purpose “out there”, can’t it be beautiful and serve a purpose “in here” as well?
So there I was. I felt so at peace, out there in the gazebo, observing nature in all of its beauty. Even the odd misshapen leaf, the half eaten moth, and the dried leaves choking out the new growth of wild mint…were all beautiful and exactly right. And as Yoga would have it, that observation quietly moved inward. I realized a few things right away that excited me. First, that there could be a great opportunity for a lesson here, something new to reflect upon during my yoga practice. The second thing I realized is that I’ve got a habit of pointing out my character “imperfections” to myself; quite often and not with anything akin to “loving kindness”. But I have been learning over the years, thanks (I believe) to my Buddhist practice, that I don’t have to be perfect to be a good person (insert “Religion of choice/Mother/Daughter/Wife/Friend” here). There are things about myself that I would love to change, tweak, or obliterate all together. Ego for one…that’s a doozy. Kindness…I could work on that too. I tend to be impatient with people, not very understanding, and easily annoyed by perceived weaknesses in people. I have berated myself for being a “crappy Buddhist”. I eat meat. I’m only compassionate when I make a concerted effort to be, and I don’t meditate very well or often. But these are all things that make me human. And if I weren’t aware of these “imperfections”, I would be obnoxious. So instead, I celebrate them as a reminder of my human-ness. But I can still gently nudge myself in the right direction. I can change and evolve as long as I have breath in my body. My imperfections can be a little less “half eaten moth”, and a little more “misshapen leaf”. I can also embrace them as part of my human nature and let the awareness of them guide my actions to something more “Buddha-like”.
If we gave as much attention to our inner selves as we do our outer selves, if we could see that nature, in its perfect/imperfect beauty is perfectly reflected within each of us, then that knowledge alone might help us to develop compassion and understanding, kindness and love, appreciation and honor, toward those outside of us, yes. And toward ourselves as well.
And this kind of puts the weight loss thing in perspective too.
“Stand outside and take a look around. Everywhere is beauty. Even the seemingly imperfect in nature is beautiful. Now look within. Everywhere is beauty, both perfect and imperfect. Mother Nature and Human Nature both - perfect and imperfect, yet still beautiful. Go easy on yourself.”
It’s really a pared down version of a concept/idea that I was mulling over yesterday as I practiced yoga outside in the gazebo. Yoga is a really special time for me because it puts me in a place – both mentally and physically, where I can quietly reflect on things without a lot of “inner chatter”. Physically, it allows me to move, stretch, and balance my body and my breath in a way that deepens my awareness and appreciation for my body and the life that it supports. I always feel grateful and beautiful at the end of my yoga practice, no matter my current “weight status”. Intellectually, it relaxes my mind and allows me to think and reflect on things that I otherwise wouldn’t have the time or mental clarity to dwell on. Often, I feel like I can see things more clearly during, and immediately following, my yoga practice. Sometimes, these thoughts and reflections carry over into conversations that Rob and I have later on in the evening where they are tossed around, smoothed out, speculated on, and expanded upon until they become fully formed and verbalized in a way that makes sense, not just yoga-psycho-babble.
This particular idea during this particular yoga practice was very apropos because I had just blogged about “getting back in the saddle” on this weight loss/exercise thing, albeit a bit apathetically. I’m happy. And if everything is so perfectly beautiful and beautifully imperfect…how does one find the impetus to work on oneself, and does one even need to work on oneself given the nature of all of this perfect imperfection? At these times of deep contentment and even deeper self-acceptance, I'm much less concerned with what’s going on with my outward physical appearance and my attention turns inward. I’m happy now, yes. Content, yes. But I found it interesting, this idea of imperfection in nature being a reflection of the imperfection of our own human nature, or vice versa. And if this imperfection is beautiful and has purpose “out there”, can’t it be beautiful and serve a purpose “in here” as well?
So there I was. I felt so at peace, out there in the gazebo, observing nature in all of its beauty. Even the odd misshapen leaf, the half eaten moth, and the dried leaves choking out the new growth of wild mint…were all beautiful and exactly right. And as Yoga would have it, that observation quietly moved inward. I realized a few things right away that excited me. First, that there could be a great opportunity for a lesson here, something new to reflect upon during my yoga practice. The second thing I realized is that I’ve got a habit of pointing out my character “imperfections” to myself; quite often and not with anything akin to “loving kindness”. But I have been learning over the years, thanks (I believe) to my Buddhist practice, that I don’t have to be perfect to be a good person (insert “Religion of choice/Mother/Daughter/Wife/Friend” here). There are things about myself that I would love to change, tweak, or obliterate all together. Ego for one…that’s a doozy. Kindness…I could work on that too. I tend to be impatient with people, not very understanding, and easily annoyed by perceived weaknesses in people. I have berated myself for being a “crappy Buddhist”. I eat meat. I’m only compassionate when I make a concerted effort to be, and I don’t meditate very well or often. But these are all things that make me human. And if I weren’t aware of these “imperfections”, I would be obnoxious. So instead, I celebrate them as a reminder of my human-ness. But I can still gently nudge myself in the right direction. I can change and evolve as long as I have breath in my body. My imperfections can be a little less “half eaten moth”, and a little more “misshapen leaf”. I can also embrace them as part of my human nature and let the awareness of them guide my actions to something more “Buddha-like”.
If we gave as much attention to our inner selves as we do our outer selves, if we could see that nature, in its perfect/imperfect beauty is perfectly reflected within each of us, then that knowledge alone might help us to develop compassion and understanding, kindness and love, appreciation and honor, toward those outside of us, yes. And toward ourselves as well.
And this kind of puts the weight loss thing in perspective too.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Here We Go Again....Again!
Wow, well it's been awhile. After a fantastic wedding/vacation/honeymoon, and a mild case of whooping cough (caught early and treated with antibiotics), I'm almost ready to start working out again! Luckily, I've maintained my current weight (you'll remember I lost 14 pounds before the wedding) without really trying. Now I am ready to embark on the 2nd half of my journey! I only have another 10-15 pounds to go. I hear those are the "hardest to lose". I thought the first 14 were excruciatingly hard, but whatever. Let's see how I do with no particular plan, no particular diet, and no particular motivation! Yeah!
I say no particular plan/diet/motivation because I worked really, really hard for the 4-6 months or so before the wedding and only lost about half the weight I had planned/dieted for, and was motivated to lose. And now I'm finding that I can maintain all that effort by being sort of sloth-like and eating lots of bacon??? Where's the motivation, I ask? This is pretty much feeling like "the good life!". Maybe I was trying too hard?! I'm also kind of "over it", meaning *yawn* I tend to bore easily with silly things like "goals" and "weigh ins". I am definitely a Type C personality (for "Chill").
Maybe it's just time to "return to my roots", meaning simply:
Eat Food
Not Too Much
Mostly Plants
Get a Little Fresh Air Every Day
Practice Yoga and Meditate
Enjoy Life
Practice Happiness and Loving Kindness
And let the rest take care of itself.
I really do enjoy physical activity though. And there is that little "situation" with regards to the Half Marathon I signed up for (DANG IT!). And of course I did make a commitment to myself that I would reach my "goal weight", whatever that is (I'm a little unclear on that). I sure would love to finish at least one thing I started. So I'll DO IT!
But how does one get back into a workout routine after being more or less sedentary for the past month? Slowly. And I WILL eat a little less bacon. Plus I'll have to inform Rob that, as much fun as it's been, he'll need to stop bringing Rollo's home and hiding them around the house for me to find (Ok, he's only done it once. And I didn't find them, he had to point them out to me. But it seems like a fun little game that I could really learn to enjoy...and get better at with lots of practice!).
So let's start with a walk....tomorrow.
I say no particular plan/diet/motivation because I worked really, really hard for the 4-6 months or so before the wedding and only lost about half the weight I had planned/dieted for, and was motivated to lose. And now I'm finding that I can maintain all that effort by being sort of sloth-like and eating lots of bacon??? Where's the motivation, I ask? This is pretty much feeling like "the good life!". Maybe I was trying too hard?! I'm also kind of "over it", meaning *yawn* I tend to bore easily with silly things like "goals" and "weigh ins". I am definitely a Type C personality (for "Chill").
Maybe it's just time to "return to my roots", meaning simply:
Eat Food
Not Too Much
Mostly Plants
Get a Little Fresh Air Every Day
Practice Yoga and Meditate
Enjoy Life
Practice Happiness and Loving Kindness
And let the rest take care of itself.
I really do enjoy physical activity though. And there is that little "situation" with regards to the Half Marathon I signed up for (DANG IT!). And of course I did make a commitment to myself that I would reach my "goal weight", whatever that is (I'm a little unclear on that). I sure would love to finish at least one thing I started. So I'll DO IT!
But how does one get back into a workout routine after being more or less sedentary for the past month? Slowly. And I WILL eat a little less bacon. Plus I'll have to inform Rob that, as much fun as it's been, he'll need to stop bringing Rollo's home and hiding them around the house for me to find (Ok, he's only done it once. And I didn't find them, he had to point them out to me. But it seems like a fun little game that I could really learn to enjoy...and get better at with lots of practice!).
So let's start with a walk....tomorrow.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
And now....the REST OF MY LIFE!
Well, what can I say? That was the most awesomest, rockin'est, most beautiful & amazing wedding EV-ER! (my biased opinion, of course). It was truly everything we hoped for and more. A dream wedding. The band rocked, the food was amazing, the place was gorgeous, and of course our beloved friends and family who helped us celebrate made it the most special of all!
Surprisingly, in the week or two before, instead of being crazy-stressed out, we sort of moved together into this really cool state of "happy-calm". I can't really explain it, but we worked together, got stuff done, and just really revelled in the "quiet before the storm". We fully enjoyed our "pre-wedded" relationship. It was very romantic. No nerves, just excitement! And I only sufferred from a few sleepness nights before the wedding (on account of all that excitement).
I did lose 14 pounds in all, yes. The dress fit (pause for applause), but I still have a good 15 pounds to go. Looking at the wedding photos, well....I loved the dress and I'm trying not to be so self-critical, but what can I say? But that's what the rest of my life is for! (although I'm shooting for Labor Day as a goal date for at least 10 of them!)
Onward and upward!
Sincerely Yours,
Fit(and very happy)wife
