Public Service Announcement

It seems like I blog about jeans a lot. And I'm starting to think that I might be slightly obsessed. But judging by the thousands of brands that are out there, I'm clearly not alone. Seriously. I walked through Macy's today and every rack and table were overflowing with "the denim". Everywhere I turned, women (and men) were clad in the all mighty jean. Denim, it appears, is our National Fabric. We are the United States of Denimerica!

And that's just fine, because I am on (another) quest  to find the perfect jeans. What else is new, right? The True Religion jeans I bought a while back are awesome, don't get me wrong. I love them. But the rise is, shall we say, a bit "youthful". They are comfortable, but not "comfy". And I still feel guilty for spending the equivalent of three family's worth of food for a year in an under-developed nation on them. I think I may have to sell them (and donate the proceeds) to get the blood off my hands.

Anyway, remember when jeans that were "comfy" were also fashionable? Take Jordache jeans for example. Or Chemin de Fer. No? Too far back? How about Guess Jeans!? Levi's! (ok, technically Levi's can still be considered fashionable, I just don't own any and haven't found a pair that didn't make me look like a portly ranch hand).

Anyway, I am on my latest quest for "the denim" for two reasons. First, I decided that I need a pair of super cute, really comfortable jeans that I can wear EVERY day. Why? Because if you haven't noticed, unless I'm at work, I dress as if I am perpetually ready to go for a run/to the gym/hit the yoga mat/go to bed. I wear "stretch exercise apparel" like nobody's business. This needs to stop. Now.

The second reason (as if the first isn't reason enough), is that I have been trying to lose weight, seriously, for two years. If I keep waiting until I am "the perfect size", I may miss out on the denim craze altogether! I will buy jeans that fit now, with no regard for any future weight loss, and if they get too big at some point in the next millennium, I will simply sell them back to the consignment store. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I decided against spending "big money" for new jeans. It is more fiscally and environmentally responsible to buy used jeans from one of the few high end consignment stores down town. This also allows me to enjoy them with less guilt and perhaps free up some money to donate to a good cause. But even though that's my plan...to buy consignment...I did go to the mall to do "research"... you know...so I know what to look for in the consignment shops. It was pretty dismal.

What is with the low rise thing? The 4-6" rise on all the cute, high end jeans are ridiculous. I'm not saying I want a super high-waisted jean circa 1982, those are equally ridiculous. Isn't there something in between?What if you're 42, relatively fashionable (on a good day), relatively slim (this is a big relative, but if I can squeeze into 'em, I consider myself well within my right to shop the cute jean section)? Apparently, while we weren't paying attention, a  generation of girls have grown up to think it's perfectly OK to have a waistband sit precariously close to their lady business in the front and show their party in the back. Where did we go wrong?

What is interesting to me, is that there seems to be a growing backlash against the super-low rise. Either a bunch of moms got together and boycotted the super low rise trend, or the designers and manufacturers had an epiphany of sorts and realized that once a woman is over 30, she doesn't necessarily want to buy all of her denim at Walmart. Imagine the money that could be made by manufacturing a jean with a higher rise that older and/or not super skinny women could wear! Of course they didn't want to call it the "Mom Rise" or market it toward the middle aged sector, necessarily. Instead, they gave it a more youthful name (which ironically makes it that much harder for a married woman of 42 to find). It's called the Boyfriend or Boy Cut jean. I find this very amusing, considering most boys these days where jeans down around their knees. In any event....I have figured it out! I did my research and I have cracked the jean code!

I found three nice options that you might want to try: the (sadly discontinued) 7 for all mankind "Boy Cut" jean (you can find them on Ebay or in consignment shops at half the price as new), the Miss Me "Boyfriend" cut, or the higher end division of Miss Me; "MEK". I understand that no two bodies are alike, and if you happen to be curvy with a small waist and voluptuous hips - you're on your own (but you may want to give Joe's Jeans a try). If you are like me - the boy cut or boy friend cut jean has given me a new reason to shop.

Yes, Virginia. There IS a jean for you!

Remember these two rules:  Funky pocket flaps are our friend and "boyfriend" jeans won't make you look like a boy, it's simply the manufacturer's code for "these are jeans that won't show your junk".

You're welcome.

Thanks For Tracking Your Weight...

You lost zero pounds. Whoo hoo! (didn't gain either!)

Maintaining my weight during the holidays hasn't been a problem, so far. My diet has been three squares, and lots of rounds (cookies). I think it's the dining out that does me in, and this year, I opted to (primarily) entertain at home and prepare lot's of healthy meals. I don't think my house guests know they've been eating Weight Watchers Recipes all week!

I'm looking forward to more holiday revelry with family tonight and tomorrow, then it's hibernation week! This is the week I turn into a complete anti-social hermit in order to recharge my batteries for the New Year! I plan on sleeping, walking, reading, cleaning, practicing lots of yoga and meditating, I might do some reading up on vegetarian diets and try to make some changes in that regard...small at first, and maybe go out for some hikes and day trips if the weather allows. Jacob and Rob have the week off too. I'm not sure what their plans are (kidding).

I think 2011 is going to be "The Year of Positive Changes For Real This Time". Last year I made some attemps, changed some things and lived a pretty healthy lifestyle, nothing too radical or different than normal. It was also "The Year I Got Married", so that took up quite a bit of time and energy.

I don't really do "Resolutions", but I think I may this year. I'm working on my list:

1) Give of my time (and/or money if I have any) to a local charity or find an organization I can volunteer for.

I read an article about a couple who make 57K per year, but live on 22K. They give the rest away (that's 35k!) to Oxfam. They live in an 890 square foot apartment, ride bikes as transportation, and buy second hand. They can't see living with so much "luxury" when half the world lives on less than $2 per day. What can I live without so that others won't go without?

2) Make time for yoga and meditation

It's what makes me sane and healthy - inside and out. Amazing stuff happens when I stick with it!

3) Consider the Eearth and all of it's creatures before I make food or other "goods" choices, or any choices for that matter

I already buy local as much as I can and try to know where my "meat" comes from and how it's raised and slaughtered. I'd like to take it a little farther and also include more of my purchased goods while I'm at it.


4) Be present, be myself, live my own truth

This includes blogging about my weight loss journey (I changed my mind).

That's all I've got so far - Give, Make, Consider, Be - and I have privately added numerous other sentences after each word that will be included in my "Positive Changes" resolutions this year, but I don't want to give all my secrets away! How about you? Any resolutions this go-round?

Merry Christmas!!!

In Memory of #431

Here is how NOT to spend your Saturday morning: Reading an article on Smithfield Farm's "Factory Farm Horrors", then it's domino effect - combing the internet for other farm animal cruelty stories, studies, and videos (PETA is the worst, avoid them at all cost unless you want to feel like a big turd for eating meat), Public Service Announcements (Paul McCartney makes a pretty convincing argument against meat), health studies, vegetarian food pyramids and meal ideas...you get the point. Why do I do this to myself?

Some of this dates back to cow #431. That little guy (who is probably no longer with us), while not convincing me to go vegan, or even lacto-ovo vegetarian, at least made me think a lot more about my food choices. But even long before #431, I had a desire to educate myself on food, nutrition, the food industry and, more importantly and ironically, how the "food industry" cares nothing for our "nutrition".

It might be safe to say that food is one of my passions, and while I'm not the best cook in the world, preparing a healthy and tasty meal is as close to Nirvana as I'm probably going to get in this lifetime. Over the past few years, my meat and produce purchasing habits have fallen more in line with what I've learned and my own personal values. But is that enough? I'm starting to wonder....

There shouldn't really be such a "disconnect" between ourselves and our food, but this is what has happened in our "modern" society. And why wouldn't it? We don't grow our own food anymore, or know the farmers or ranchers who do. It's no fault of our own, really. It's just the way things are. But it doesn't mean we can't change the way things are. Awareness is just the first step, but it's an important one. For that reason, I would urge anyone to give more attention to what they are putting in their bodies.

Years ago, before I realized I could actually track down the source of my food, I started saying little "Thank You" prayers to my food as I was preparing it. You know, something like "Thank you for giving your life so that I can make this wonderful Chicken Gorgonzola and provide pleasure and nourishment to my family". It felt like the least I could do and, believe it or not, the food seemed to taste better!

Personally, I feel like I have to, at the very least, know where my food is coming from and how it  was raised and "harvested". Not just out of empathy for the health and well being of the animals (although I have some of that too), but for the health and well being of myself, my family, and the Earth. This isn't just another bleeding heart plea to save the animals. I'm inviting you to take a stand against Big Agriculture and the industrialization of our meat (and all other) food products. I'm not going to regale you with food industry horror stories - you can find those for yourselves if you want, if you haven't already. You probably already know as much as I do. No. Instead, I will just implore you to be curious about your food. That's all.

Here's a concept that might be hard for me to explain, but I'll try. I really believe that what we eat, and how the energy/calories consumed makes us feel, either right after we ingest it, or down the road (think health & vitality, or it's opposite; lethargy & poor health), is, in some way, the result of a much longer process that began way before we even purchased the food.

How was it grown, sown, or raised and harvested? What kind of treatment; physiologically and psychologically, did the animal/plant endure or enjoy? Whatever it was, for ill or good, I believe it will have a continued affect as it moves along the food chain. I don't want to ingest something that suffered, was sprayed with chemicals to within an inch of it's life, that was half dead before it was even harvested, that was fed poorly, shot up with medicines because of the unsanitary conditions it lived in, treated inhumanely, etc. That wasn't good for the plant/animal, it's not good for my body, it's not good for the earth. The chain is tainted, how would it suddenly transform into something healthy and positive once it becomes a part of my body? This is my own crack pot philosophy with absolutely no scientific backing whatsoever (except for the much debated pesticide-illness link  and maybe, depending on who you ask, the hormone/antibiotic aspect of it). It's a little bit "quantum physics" and a little bit common sense.

This isn't to say that if we eat perfectly healthy, we'll have perfect health. Or if we are ill, we can change our diets and heal ourselves completely. There may be some studies and some documented cases that suggest this, and I do believe there are great benefits to be found within the Ayurvedic system, among others, but there is just a whole lot going on in our bodies on a cellular/molecular level that we can't control. What I am saying is that in a very subtle and general way, good energy promotes more good energy. Bad energy promotes more bad energy.

Good food energy may be a critical part to the overall health of both our selves and the planet.
Even if it's just a thought, a prayer, or the decision to change one thing in our diets or shopping habits, we can create a better dynamic for the health of the planet and ourselves.

That's all!

Buddhist Wedding Vows

The purpose of this blog entry is threefold: 1) To offer a resource for any fellow Buddhists who might be looking for help with their vows. 2) To have them in a place easily accessible for us whenever we want to take a little stroll down memory lane, and 3) To share with any of our friends or family who, whether they were there or not, might be interested in what was said on that auspicious day! : )

It was a little bit challenging to find appropriate wedding vows when Rob and I got married. I googled "Buddhist Wedding Vows" and didn't come up with anything we could use. Partly because what I did come up with was too steeped in a culture that we knew nothing about, or too archaic. In Buddhist philosophy, "marriage" is considered a personal matter, best handled by each individual or community. It's a secular institution. As such, each culture will have their own type of marriage ritual or ceremony. For a Westerner, none of these seemed quite right. Buddha believed that love was the way, sexuality was healthy and natural, and one should cultivate the former, and not abuse the latter. But that's about all he spoke on the matter. He didn't condemn marriage, but did point out that it comes with it's own set of problems due to the attachment factor. He understood, however, that lay people will have a desire for special rituals or blessings upon their union, and so Buddhist monks will bless a union if asked. As far as the ceremony itself - you're kind of on your own!

So what's a Western Buddhist who wants to get married to do? Write our own vows! Below is what I came up with. A combination of my own words, the words of Buddha himself, some of my favorite teachers and writers, including Steve Hagen and Joseph Goldstein, and with some edits and the final approval of Rob. The beautiful "Rose Analogy" (2 paragraphs) is from Steve Hagan's Buddhism Plain and Simple, and parts of the "Love and Attachment" paragraph is from a wonderful book called One Dharma by Joseph Goldstein. The vows themselves are prefaced by a brief history of Buddhism and some of it's basic precepts so that non-Buddhists would have a little bit of background - read on if interested! (it's a bit "lengthy").

Rob and Eline would like to share some thoughts and reflections that have guided them in their individual lives and have also, ultimately, guided them toward each other.


We’ll start with a story:

About 2500 years ago, in a village in Northern India, a young prince forsook his wife and small child, as well as the throne that would eventually be his. He snuck out of the royal gates disguised as a beggar, dressed only in rags. You see, he had been sheltered from the uncomfortable realities of life until one day the young prince was allowed out of the family compound to meet those who would become his subjects. The sights that he saw on that day troubled him greatly. He saw people begging for food, people who were ill, people who were old and suffering. “What was the point of human life?” he asked, “if it was so transient, so uncertain, and so filled with hardship?” The question haunted him until he could no longer enjoy the passing pleasures of his life of luxury. He decided to set out on a quest in an attempt to gain insight into the nature of the human condition, and to see if there was a way to extricate himself from a life that would surely end in suffering, even if it hadn’t begun that way. For six years he wandered the valley of the Ganges River, learning the various systems and practices of the great religious teachers of his day. He found nothing in these teachings and practices that satisfied him, nothing that dispelled the deep sorrow that filled his heart and mind. So he left the teachers and went his own way. He eventually came to rest under a fig tree. Here he stayed for several days, deep in meditation, until finally one evening, he touched his hand to the earth. In that moment, he attained complete enlightenment. He understood the nature of reality and impermanence, the causes of human suffering, and the solution.

The word "Buddha" means "awakened one", and from that day forward, he became known simply as “The Buddha”. He never considered himself to be anything other than a human being – only someone who was fully awake. A Buddha is not someone you pray to, or ask things of, or bow down to. A Buddha is simply a person who is awake – nothing more or less.

For the next 45 years he taught the way of enlightenment to men and women, nobles and peasants, the moral and the base, without making the slightest distinction among them. He taught that we all, each and every one of us, can be Buddha.

His first sermon was given at a Deer Park, and the words he spoke became known as the dharma. It was here that he first discussed the four noble truths and the path to enlightenment.

Very simply put, the First Noble Truth is that life can be difficult. There is much hardship and suffering in the course of a human lifetime, from the simple, everyday disappointments in life, to the loss of loved ones. The second Noble Truth is that much of this suffering is caused by our own delusions and attachment. We have preconceived ideas of the way things should be, but we don’t always see the way things truly are. Problems arise because of our attachment to our preconceived ideas. Attachment to things that ultimately change, cease to be, or were never quite the way we supposed them to be at all. Problems also arise from our own craving. Craving external things, both tangible and emotional, that we mistakenly believe will bring us lasting happiness. The Third Noble Truth is that the possibility of liberation from suffering exists for everyone. In the Fourth Noble Truth, Buddha explains that the way to realize this liberation is to follow the 8-fold path, which includes living a compassionate life of virtue, wisdom and meditation. But most importantly, the Buddha implored his students to open their eyes. To be present in each moment and to see clearly that which “is”.

The Buddha repeatedly emphasized the impossibility of ever arriving at Truth by giving up our own authority and following the lights of others. He taught that we each carry within ourselves the light and wisdom with which to see truth. Truth or Reality is not something vague, mysterious, or hidden. You don’t have to go to someone else to find it – not to a teacher, or a Buddha, or your parents, or a priest or rabbi, or any other authority whatsoever. Nor is it something you can look up in a book. Truth comes to us through seeing clearly, from experiencing life with an unfettered mind.

Buddha didn’t teach his students right from wrong. Instead, he taught that we can know for ourselves that certain things are unwholesome and wrong. And when we do, then give them up. "But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

One of the most important reflections in Buddhism is that of "Impermanence". Pick up a flower, a beautiful, living, fresh rose. It smells wonderful. It reveals a lovely rhythm in the swirl of its petals, a rich yet dazzling color, a soft velvety texture. It moves and delights us. The problem with the rose is that it dies. Its petals fall; it shrivels up; it turns brown and returns to the earth. One solution to this problem is to ignore the real rose and substitute a plastic one, one that never dies. But is a plastic rose what we want? No, of course not. We want the real rose. We want the one that dies. We want it because it dies, because it’s fleeting, because it fades. It’s this very quality that makes it precious.

Like the rose, our bodies and minds are fleeting. In fact, everything in our experience – our bodies, our minds, our thoughts, our wants and needs, our relationships – is fleeting. Changing. Everything we look at, including ourselves and every aspect of our lives, is nothing but change. This impermanence, this constant arising and fading away, are the very things that make our lives vibrant, wonderful, and alive. Yet we usually want to keep things from changing. We want to preserve things, to hold onto them. This desire to hold on, to somehow stop change in its tracks, is the greatest source of trouble in our lives.

So how do we cultivate and practice the truth of impermanence while also beginning a marriage? One that we hope will last a lifetime? The two ideas might at first seem incongruous. But this ceremony between Rob and Eline to announce among friends and family their intention to share their lives with each other....this is exactly where the beauty of love and compassion can really shine, despite the reality of impermanence. In fact, love and compassion can shine even more brightly because of it.

In this type of committed relationship, we can at last begin to experience the difference between love and attachment. Love is a generosity of the heart that simply wishes for the happiness of others; attachment, by contrast, is a contraction of the heart, born of desire, resulting in clinging and fear of loss. Reflecting on the inevitable changes within ourselves and our relationships reorients us toward care and loving kindness rather than attachment, letting go rather than clinging. In these moments of non-grasping we can assess and then actually understand what is truly of value in our lives. Each other. A relationship is at its healthiest when there is no "attachment", just love and compassion and being together with the knowledge that each day is a gift. Each moment; precious.

Love is not offered with the expectation of getting something in return. Love is offered from a place of compassion and understanding. Love doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be honest. This kind of love occurs when we can be as happy alone, as we are with another, for love does not really "complete" us. We are each as complete as we need to be, as individuals. The gift that you bring to your marriage is the gift of yourselves – happy, whole, and emotionally healthy.

Please join us in a prayer to offer loving kindness:

May all beings be happy, content, and fulfilled.

May all beings be healed and whole.

May all have whatever they want and need.

May all be protected from harm, and free from fear.

May all beings enjoy inner peace and ease.

May all beings be awakened, liberated, and free.

May there be peace in this world, and throughout the entire universe.

Vows:

Do you, Rob and Eline, promise to share with each other your joy and happiness, as well as your sorrows and disappointments, to be friend and companion, as well as a source of comfort and support to each other? To stay in the moment, to quickly let go of any trifling grievances, and to celebrate and honor the love you have for each other?

We Do!


Will you, Rob and Eline, promise to remember that, as all things must necessarily change, so must you. And to love each other with the knowledge of that understanding, not with fear or trepidation, but with joy in your hearts, to always accept and celebrate each other as you are, for all of your life together?

We Do!


Do you, Rob and Eline, promise to do your best to live in harmony with one another, to practice compassion and loving kindness, not just toward each other, but toward all sentient beings?


We Do!

Jacob, will you please stand?

Families come in all shapes and sizes. Some are formed through biological means, some through adoption, still others are created through marriage. The important thing to realize is that, no matter how a family comes into being, it is a sacred and safe refuge. As you enter into this newly formed family, it is important to honor and respect each other. To always be there for each other, to be open and honest with each other, to love each other and to enjoy life together. Do you - Rob, Eline and Jacob, promise to always do your best to uphold this family vow?

We do!

Jacob, may I have the rings? (magic hat trick!!)

Rob, please place this ring on Eline’s finger. Eline, please place this ring on Rob’s finger.

The rings are placed on the heart-side of the body. They are a visible token of what cannot necessarily be seen inside your hearts. These rings will be a symbol and a reminder of the words spoken here today and the vows that you have made to each other.

It is with great pleasure, that we now pronounce you, Rob and Eline, as husband and wife!

Support System - A Must Have This Christmas!

What does "Support System" mean to you?

The dictionary defines it as:

A network of personal or professional contacts available to a person or organization for practical or moral support when needed.

This topic came up in conversation recently among a few friends and family members. I’d like to share some of my thoughts on it, as well as the collective thoughts of, well, my support system!

Each of us has our own challenges and triumphs. They don’t all look alike, but we all have them. My own challenges may not seem as great as someone else’s, but they’re mine nonetheless, and they require some effort and commitment on my part. They aren’t meant to be a reflection or a commentary on anyone else. They aren’t meant to minimize or magnify anyone else’s challenges or triumphs. They simply aren’t about anyone else. They tend to be selfish that way.

Supporting someone in their journey means putting aside your own opinions and simply lending an ear now and then. Really listening and trying to understand without being judgemental, without inserting your own approval or disapproval. Then perhaps simply offering an experience of your own, or a word of encouragement, maybe cheering the triumphs a bit. It seems simple enough, but as humans, we have a tendency to mirror our own thoughts, feelings, issues, perceptions onto everything that comes within 2 feet of us. It's not always easy to put aside our own thoughts and feelings and simply "support". We often find a way to make it about ourselves, don't we? (my hand is raised here!)

I’ll tell you this though - having a great support system is not only critical to success, it’s an exercise in humility, gratitude, and an opportunity to learn how to pay it forward and be a support system for someone who asks it of you. Through seeing what good support looks like (and not so good support), I’m learning how to be more supportive myself. I see my own shortcomings; my own habits of  being judgemental, overly sensitive, a wee bit critical, and selfish with my time and energy. Oh! Also perhaps a bit self absorbed, self-loathing at times, or maybe more like "equal parts" self-congratulatory and self-loathing (why do I feel that I could go on and on? This is messed up!)

If someone asks for my support now, however, I will give it (as long as it’s legal and not hurtful to anyone!). To minimize or discount someone’s journey as trivial or unnecessary, is to minimize or discount them, as a person.

If you feel you have to justify your efforts to anyone…they are not in your support system. If you feel that you are not being heard or understood…find someone else to talk to. And when you learn what support looks like, offer it to anyone who asks, and even those who don’t.

Last Friday's blog entry about my weight loss journey will be my last on that topic (but I will let you know when I've reached my goal). I’ve decided to go underground -just me and my support system- for the remainder of that trip. But I will continue to blog about things that are important to me - fitness, health, FOOD, adventures, family, friends, stories, poetry, whatever! : )

Happy trails!

Week 7 - Short and Sweet

I'll keep this short and sweet - the holidays are upon us and I have shopping to do!

Weight Watchers changed up their points system mid week, so I sort of erased everything prior to Monday and started fresh. I still lost a pound this week, woot woot! I think I like the new points system. I already eat lots of fruits and vegetables, and now they're FREE...this makes room for more essentials in my diet like wine and cheese. Not sure if that is what WW intended, but it certainly works for me! Although now wine and cheese have higher points values assigned to them, so it's kind of a wash. It's more of a psychological thing for me - I like seeing more points available when I start my day - 29 vs. 21, and 49 extra per week vs. 35. This way, I don't feel defeated before I even eat anything!

I walked almost daily, ran a couple of times (not very far, but at least I'm back at it!), yoga twice, and started today with a nice hike up the Pleasanton Ridge!

I have four holiday parties in the next three weeks - all involving plenty of food and drink - but I think I'll be fine if I stay relatively on track the rest of the time.

I need to buy some new pants for work because my old ones are baggy. Do I buy them now? Or wait until I'm at my goal weight? Maybe just one pair.

One interesting thing I noticed is that I am now at a weight/size that I don't loathe. I'm comfortable and I'm starting to recognize my old self. It doesn't mean my journey ends here, just that I feel good about myself again and I can use that as the motivation to continue what I started. I deserve it. It's not like there is a huge difference in my appearance, it's very slight. But I can see it and feel it, that's what matters.

Ciao for now!

Starting Weight: 170
Current Weight: 157 (-1 pound this week!)
Goal Weight:     145

Total lost to date: 13 pounds - more than half way there!