Getting Real...REALLY Real.

All right. I had a really long talk with myself. It got deep. I wanted to be completely open and honest, hold nothing back. That sounds kind of silly, but if you know anything about human nature, you know all about the stories we tell ourselves...OH, the stories! Anything to appease the ego, to get instant gratification, or to make ourselves feel better about the less-than excellent choices we may be making on a daily basis.

One good example is that of a smoker who doesn't want to quit smoking, or DOES, but is afraid. She will tell herself ALL kinds of stories to continue smoking. I know, because that was me once. The self deception was really shocking. I thought that experience taught me all I needed to know about our capacity for self-deceipt, but apparently I'm a natural. So good at it that I don't always know when I'm doing it! (on a conscious level) That could be true for many of us!

So what's different here? Nothing. Do I want to get back to my healthier weight? The one where I felt comfortable in my jeans, in a bathing suit (as comfortable as one can ever feel in a bathing suit). If the answer is no, then I need to accept it. If the answer is yes, well, that's where the talk comes in.

What am I telling myself on a daily basis that is preventing me from achieving my goals?

I wanted to unravel the web of deception I've been weaving for myself. That has to be where I'm going wrong. It just has to be. This is Getting Real 101. Here are a few things I've figured out over the past couple of years:

1) I'm slightly-to-highly carb sensitive. I know this because my blood sugar was tested at a health fair once and they told me I was almost diabetic....and not to eat dried fruit. That's all I remember, I'm sure there was more.

2) When I eat carbs, the starchy kind, I hop on board the carb-train and cannot get off! I eat everything in sight! It's really weird, and kind of scary, how out of control I feel.

3) Eating low carb, does NOT mean I get to eat cheese and olives and bacon all day long. I don't care if Atkins says I can (not that I've tried Atkins). He doesn't know just HOW much cheese and olives and bacon I can put away in a day.

4) I love red wine. Love, love, love red wine (and the occasional martini). But it's not calorie free, nor do I get a "wine delta" if I do yoga or clean my horse's stall. The math doesn't work that way. Wine produces a chemical called acetate. Your body must burn that off BEFORE it reaches into it's fat stores. So anything you eat during the day, is just gonna have to wait it's turn to get burned off. If you drink a lot of wine, it's going to be a longer wait. If you have excess fat to burn (i.e. you would like to actually LOSE weight), the wait could be endless. Welcome to diet hell!

As much as I've tried to tell myself that "It's part of my fluid intake and I don't really have to count those calories because I can just get some extra physical activity and it will be a wash..." etc. etc. (the rationalizing goes on and on and becomes more entertaining and outlandish with every glass!), it's a lie.

5) Yoga works. Period. I'm a die hard believer that whatever ails you, yoga will help. If you feel fat, do yoga for a week. You'll feel like a lithe little jungle cat in no time! Your posture will improve (that's good for a couple of pounds right there), it will ease the stress and anxiety caused by change (I didn't really feel that, but I understand some people do.), the list goes on (firms muscles, improves sleep, increases flexibility, etc.)

So - this week, I decided to get real. No BS. I was going to have a  "do it or not, but just don't lie about it" kind of week (god, I think I've said that to a man or two in the past). And I did.

I did yoga every night because it helps....with everything.
I stuck to low carb - one serving of whole grains per day, the rest of the day, lean proteins (mostly), some healthy fats, dairy, all the fruit and vegetables I wanted.
I reduced my wine intake. I did a lot of research and decided that not only would (2) 5 oz. glasses per night be acceptable (that's really just one big glass of wine), it could actually aid in weight loss. I'm not lying to myself, I READ THAT!

Well, I did it. I lost 3.5 pounds, feel nice and lean(er), and have to admit, there is probably something to "truth". Damn it!!!

I'm going to stick to it and see what happens. It's not easy being 100% honest with myself. Logging everything. EVERYthing. But if this is what I have to do, I'll do it.

YES!

Finally, something to report! I've lost a .5 pound! (That's a "HALF" pound, not "FIVE" pounds, in case your eyesight is going like mine and you can't see the decimal in front of the "5").

While this may not seem like big news, it's pretty huge. Why? Because I've actually stuck with something for more than a week and it's finally paying off!

I started tracking with Weight Watchers again several weeks ago, had some really fun weekends where all bets were off, yet still managed to maintain my current weight. Then, we had one weekend with no plans, and I actually came off of it weighing exactly the same as I did going into it! That has never happened.  I think it allowed me to actually lose a little bit this week, instead of just losing what I had gained over two days of too much fun!

And it gives me some inspiration to try it again this weekend (no plans again), and then maybe....maybe....try it over a weekend where we do have plans!

The point is, I think it can be done. I don't think I'm stuck. I don't know if I'll get into Rob's birthday dress by November 21st.....but I'm still going to try.

Back to the horse front, this is my friend Linda and I:

We figured out that we haven't ridden together in about 30 years!  Now that I have a trailer, I can go visit her and we can ride together. So much fun! In case you're curious about our history together, here is a little story about the first time she and I ever rode a horse (and not just the pony-ride kind of ride):

Nanuk and StarBucks - Eline and Linda's Wild Ride

Linda and I went to grade school together and there was a pasture with two horses behind the schoolyard. We were probably 8 or 9 years old. When we weren't galloping around the playground pretending we were wild horses, we were stealing apples from the auditorium garbage cans after lunch and feeding them to the horses.


One day after school, we brought a couple of  boxes of sugar cubes back to the pasture and started feeding them to the horses....ALL of them!

We must have been eating them too because we got hopped up enough to think it was a good idea to dare each other to climb the fence and jump on a horse. We had both read The Black Stallion series - so we knew exactly how it was going to go down, of course.

We chose our mounts (mine was Nanuk, a palomino gelding), climbed the fence and hopped on. One horse took off at a gallop and the other one followed. They ran across the field, down a hill, jumped across a little creek, then into the woods, zig zagging all over the place (and going under every low branch they could find!).

They finally galloped out of the woods and into a clearing, then hung a sharp right into the barn. We slid off their backs, shaking like crazy, and realized we were trapped in the barn because the house was right across the driveway and we didn't want to get shot! (which we figured was the penalty for riding someone else's horse without permission).

Eventually we managed to sneak out of the barn and ran back down through the woods, hootin' and hollerin' of course - VERY impressed with our horseback riding skills (not to mention lucky to have survived!).

We were hooked after that! That is the only ride I remember, but Linda said we rode these horses pretty regularly after that.

We got our first ponies shortly after (we had been working on our parents for a few years prior to our wild ride. I think the ride just made us that much more persistent!)

Can you imagine how much fun it is to ride together again? Not quite as exhilarating as that first ride...but pretty fun!