That's O.K. No surprises here!
Week one was a short, 4 day week on Weight Watchers and I lost 5 pounds, which is way too much for 4 days if you ask me! So it's no surprise that I'm up a pound this week. That's ok. I've still got a net loss of 4 pounds for two weeks! That's two pounds a week, which is my goal. Besides, I'm all bloaty and stuff this week.
What did I do wrong and what did I do right?
We'll start with the positive:
I was able to get out and move again! My knee is mostly healed, just a little tender on the outside, but no damage to the internal parts! I walked three times, ran once, and did yoga a couple of times. Woot. I ate mostly healthy, at least Monday - Thursday.
The bad and ugly:
I LIED and CHEATED like a scoundrel! I blatantly, and without remorse, deleted things from my tracker that I'm pretty positive I actually ingested.
Rob and I had a fantastic time on the coast - Duarte's for cioppino and pie, Santa Cruz Chili Cook Off, Costanoa's abalone and risotto, oh my. I came home and doctored up my on line Weight Watchers Points Tracker to make it appear that I stayed within my "21" points all weekend. HA! Do I feel bad about it? No. Did I mention I have pms this week? Or as I like to call it, "PM-YES!" Yes to PIE, Yes to Cioppino, Yes to Chili, Yes to Wine, Yes to Chocolate! Oh HELL yes!
So I'm up a pound. It could be a lot worse!
Today I get to start fresh! Yay! I love WW!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Week One (Take Three!)
How many times have I said "Week One"? I've lost count. But the important thing is that we have the ability to start over, as many times as we feel the need to, and we can always say it's "Week One"!
This is Week One of my 2nd (or 3rd or 4th, but who's counting) attempt on Weight Watchers. But this time, I mean business. Maybe it has a little to do with that exercise I did, where I tried to get really (really) honest with myself (see my post "Living Large" which I didn't post on Facebook but might apply here).
I asked myself a few questions, sifted through some of my standard BS answers, and got to the truth, maybe not the whole truth, but some of it: I am a little lazy. I will always choose the (short-cut) path marked "Hey! Easier!". I am a bit gluttonous. What if I lose the weight and still feel dissatisfied with myself?
What will I do THEN? What if this desire to lose weight is all just a ruse to distract my fragile little ego from the fact that I will never feel good enough, pretty enough, or smart enough? I think I felt like I was all-three-of-those-enough before, and I'm pretty sure I still do, on most days, but I could be wrong. Perception is a tricky thing when you have the mind of a genious, in a hot little rig like mine (joking!). Ok, sort of joking. It's probably safe to assume that my self esteem is alive and well and I don't really need to worry about that one. Or am I over-compensating for low self esteem? Crap. Back to the drawing board.
Jokes aside, the biggest truth that I came up with is this: I am ultimately responsible for my own happiness and do have the ability to make changes that will further promote and maintain that happiness. Achieving balance is so critical to my happiness - spirit, mind, and body, that I can be confident that no matter what happens, I won't fall off that path. And that's really all I need. Losing weight is a small, but very important (to me) part of my balance and deserves my attention and effort. I've reset my goals to something that doesn't look quite so much like a 25 year old in a bikini, but more like a healthy 42 year old woman.
And NOW, the stats! My first week went well. My knee is on the mend. I actually got out and walked three times this week! I had a short first week on WW because I "officially" started Monday, but wanted Friday to be my weigh in day. Why? Well, to have time to undo any damage that might occur during weekends, of course!
But still, my first weigh in was today, after 4 days on the program, and my weight:
159.5
That's FIVE pounds! I am happy with that. Sure, it might be just water weight, and 158-159 is that "happy" weight my body pretty naturally settles into. But still. It's five pounds and I'm on my way!
This is Week One of my 2nd (or 3rd or 4th, but who's counting) attempt on Weight Watchers. But this time, I mean business. Maybe it has a little to do with that exercise I did, where I tried to get really (really) honest with myself (see my post "Living Large" which I didn't post on Facebook but might apply here).
I asked myself a few questions, sifted through some of my standard BS answers, and got to the truth, maybe not the whole truth, but some of it: I am a little lazy. I will always choose the (short-cut) path marked "Hey! Easier!". I am a bit gluttonous. What if I lose the weight and still feel dissatisfied with myself?
What will I do THEN? What if this desire to lose weight is all just a ruse to distract my fragile little ego from the fact that I will never feel good enough, pretty enough, or smart enough? I think I felt like I was all-three-of-those-enough before, and I'm pretty sure I still do, on most days, but I could be wrong. Perception is a tricky thing when you have the mind of a genious, in a hot little rig like mine (joking!). Ok, sort of joking. It's probably safe to assume that my self esteem is alive and well and I don't really need to worry about that one. Or am I over-compensating for low self esteem? Crap. Back to the drawing board.
Jokes aside, the biggest truth that I came up with is this: I am ultimately responsible for my own happiness and do have the ability to make changes that will further promote and maintain that happiness. Achieving balance is so critical to my happiness - spirit, mind, and body, that I can be confident that no matter what happens, I won't fall off that path. And that's really all I need. Losing weight is a small, but very important (to me) part of my balance and deserves my attention and effort. I've reset my goals to something that doesn't look quite so much like a 25 year old in a bikini, but more like a healthy 42 year old woman.
And NOW, the stats! My first week went well. My knee is on the mend. I actually got out and walked three times this week! I had a short first week on WW because I "officially" started Monday, but wanted Friday to be my weigh in day. Why? Well, to have time to undo any damage that might occur during weekends, of course!
But still, my first weigh in was today, after 4 days on the program, and my weight:
159.5
That's FIVE pounds! I am happy with that. Sure, it might be just water weight, and 158-159 is that "happy" weight my body pretty naturally settles into. But still. It's five pounds and I'm on my way!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Whooooo Hoooooo!
She said with feigned enthusiasm.
I'm starting Weight Watchers again. It has worked for my sister-in-law and several other friends. And it even worked for me a year or so ago! I lost my first 10 pounds on Weight Watchers, but then I decided it was "too restrictive" and I could just do the rest on my own. I did manage to lose another 5 pounds or so for a total of 15. But I've since gained 6 of those back! So now I have another 15-20 to go to get to my original goal.
I think I can do it.
Today is day two and it's been surprisingly easy and even liberating! I have great recipes to cook (I love cooking), I don't have to disect every ingredient and add up the calories, it's all right there. And they have plenty of snack and meal ideas on the website.
For those who say I don't need to lose weight....Thank you! Really, that's really kind. However, I really do. I gain weight from my face, all the way down to my knees (never below the knees), so I may not have one "trouble" spot, but the weight is there, none the less, evenly distributed ALL over.
A year before I met Rob, I weighed: 145 (Happy weight! Cute jeans fit!)
Then I quit smoking for a year
When I met Rob, I weighed: 150 (Still happy! Still lookin' pretty good!)
Then I quit smoking for realsies
A year ago, I topped out at: 170 (Oh, yeah. No.)
That's 25 pounds in the past 7 1/2 years. I know...it happens. I know that quitting smoking had a lot to do with it too, but I certainly wouldn't go back to that as a weight loss tool!
So here we go. I'm going to try this again. I think I've got it now!
My first weigh in: 164.5 (Yeeps!!!)
Stay tuned....
I'm starting Weight Watchers again. It has worked for my sister-in-law and several other friends. And it even worked for me a year or so ago! I lost my first 10 pounds on Weight Watchers, but then I decided it was "too restrictive" and I could just do the rest on my own. I did manage to lose another 5 pounds or so for a total of 15. But I've since gained 6 of those back! So now I have another 15-20 to go to get to my original goal.
I think I can do it.
Today is day two and it's been surprisingly easy and even liberating! I have great recipes to cook (I love cooking), I don't have to disect every ingredient and add up the calories, it's all right there. And they have plenty of snack and meal ideas on the website.
For those who say I don't need to lose weight....Thank you! Really, that's really kind. However, I really do. I gain weight from my face, all the way down to my knees (never below the knees), so I may not have one "trouble" spot, but the weight is there, none the less, evenly distributed ALL over.
A year before I met Rob, I weighed: 145 (Happy weight! Cute jeans fit!)
Then I quit smoking for a year
When I met Rob, I weighed: 150 (Still happy! Still lookin' pretty good!)
Then I quit smoking for realsies
A year ago, I topped out at: 170 (Oh, yeah. No.)
That's 25 pounds in the past 7 1/2 years. I know...it happens. I know that quitting smoking had a lot to do with it too, but I certainly wouldn't go back to that as a weight loss tool!
So here we go. I'm going to try this again. I think I've got it now!
My first weigh in: 164.5 (Yeeps!!!)
Stay tuned....
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Honesty & Effort
I'm still thinking about this blog entry, as I completely and blatantly cheat on my 2nd week of Weight Watchers. But at least I'm being honest about it! My effort-o-meter is just reading a little low this week (it's, you know, the week before that week!)
So in true Under-Achiever fashion - instead of writing a new blog entry, I've decided to just rename an older one that I never posted and call it good!
Here it is:
Rob and I were sitting out back the other night, enjoying the warm evening and "talking about stuff". The subject of art came up, more specifically, the differences between people who make a living at their art, and the people who do not. Is it choice? Circumstance? Effort? I think all of the above.
I think that people who make a living at their art (and I make no distinction between those who barely get by, from those who would be considered "well above the poverty line") do so for many reasons:
1) Their art is their life - they really don't have any other way of making a living that they would enjoy, and so there is no other option. They've successfully avoided the "cubicle" for so long (or any other 9-5 type job), that the thought of having to go back to, or begin, that kind of life is the fire needed to push themselves to succeed.
2) They have "gone without" for so long, i.e. sacrificed steady income, health insurance, a certain stability, etc. that they really don't miss those things that are critical to many of the rest of us.
3) They have the ability to self-promote. Successfully supporting yourself as an artist requires an enormous amount of networking and community involvement. You have to pound the pavement for work, it doesn't come to you. This requires a certain degree of confidence and lack of modesty. It's do or die. You can't doubt your work or under-sell yourself or you might starve. That's just not an option.
Then there is the other kind of artist who happens to also like his or her "day job", have become accustomed to a steady flow of income, health benefits, and a certain degree of stability. They love their art, but perhaps don't eat, sleep and breathe it. They aren't quite willing to sacrifice any of the above to take the huge leap of faith that it would require and live a completely different life than the one which they've become comfortable with and accustomed to. Perhaps networking and self-promotion isn't really their cup of tea.
Perhaps supporting oneself as an artist has less to do with talent, and more to do with the amount of confidence, sacrifice, and effort that an individual is willing to give.
The bottom line, I believe, is that if we really want something badly enough, we will find a way to achieve it. If we are not fulfilling our "dream", or living our "dream" life, whatever that looks like to each of us, it must be because somewhere, deep in our psyche, we don't really want what we think we want, at least not in the way that we think we want it. OR, we may really want something, but are not being honest with ourselves about the amount of sacrifice or effort it would take, and that we are willing to give. Otherwise, we would already be on the road to achieving it. Maybe we should look at where we are now and ask ourselves; "Is this where I want to be? If not, where else would I prefer? And if it is "somewhere else", what would I need to actually sacrifice to get there, and is it really worth it to me? How badly do I really want it, anyway?"
People do this all the time - assess their life, make adjustments, effort and sacrifice. Move forward. Re-asses. Repeat. There is also nothing wrong with standing still if you already find yourself exactly where you want to be! But we can't mistake the "standing still" part of our lives as a path to some place other than where we are now.
What does all of this have to do with my blog? About 10 minutes ago, I LOL'd at the ease with which I could propound on this crack-philosophy without making the connection to my own journey. Because, it would appear, the same concept can be applied to losing weight (or any other personal health goal I might have).
In other words, I do a lot of thinking about it, blogging about it, (and even some actual effort too!), but I think if I really wanted it, I would be much farther along in my journey than I am.
It's time to do less talking, more doing. This will mean sacrifice, and effort. I keep telling myself that I can just watch what I eat, make healthy choices and exercise, and I will miraculously slim down. I logged what I ate today, being the first day back on Weight Watchers, and I've already used most of my extra weekly points allowance. I EAT A LOT.
I'm hyper aware of hypocrisy and it drives me crazy when I'm caught in my own web of it. So let's see - do I really want this....or not? Am I willing to make sacrifices and put forth the effort? Now that I'm really sitting with myself and thinking about it, I'm not sure. But it's do or don't time.
So in true Under-Achiever fashion - instead of writing a new blog entry, I've decided to just rename an older one that I never posted and call it good!
Here it is:
Rob and I were sitting out back the other night, enjoying the warm evening and "talking about stuff". The subject of art came up, more specifically, the differences between people who make a living at their art, and the people who do not. Is it choice? Circumstance? Effort? I think all of the above.
I think that people who make a living at their art (and I make no distinction between those who barely get by, from those who would be considered "well above the poverty line") do so for many reasons:
1) Their art is their life - they really don't have any other way of making a living that they would enjoy, and so there is no other option. They've successfully avoided the "cubicle" for so long (or any other 9-5 type job), that the thought of having to go back to, or begin, that kind of life is the fire needed to push themselves to succeed.
2) They have "gone without" for so long, i.e. sacrificed steady income, health insurance, a certain stability, etc. that they really don't miss those things that are critical to many of the rest of us.
3) They have the ability to self-promote. Successfully supporting yourself as an artist requires an enormous amount of networking and community involvement. You have to pound the pavement for work, it doesn't come to you. This requires a certain degree of confidence and lack of modesty. It's do or die. You can't doubt your work or under-sell yourself or you might starve. That's just not an option.
Then there is the other kind of artist who happens to also like his or her "day job", have become accustomed to a steady flow of income, health benefits, and a certain degree of stability. They love their art, but perhaps don't eat, sleep and breathe it. They aren't quite willing to sacrifice any of the above to take the huge leap of faith that it would require and live a completely different life than the one which they've become comfortable with and accustomed to. Perhaps networking and self-promotion isn't really their cup of tea.
Perhaps supporting oneself as an artist has less to do with talent, and more to do with the amount of confidence, sacrifice, and effort that an individual is willing to give.
The bottom line, I believe, is that if we really want something badly enough, we will find a way to achieve it. If we are not fulfilling our "dream", or living our "dream" life, whatever that looks like to each of us, it must be because somewhere, deep in our psyche, we don't really want what we think we want, at least not in the way that we think we want it. OR, we may really want something, but are not being honest with ourselves about the amount of sacrifice or effort it would take, and that we are willing to give. Otherwise, we would already be on the road to achieving it. Maybe we should look at where we are now and ask ourselves; "Is this where I want to be? If not, where else would I prefer? And if it is "somewhere else", what would I need to actually sacrifice to get there, and is it really worth it to me? How badly do I really want it, anyway?"
People do this all the time - assess their life, make adjustments, effort and sacrifice. Move forward. Re-asses. Repeat. There is also nothing wrong with standing still if you already find yourself exactly where you want to be! But we can't mistake the "standing still" part of our lives as a path to some place other than where we are now.
What does all of this have to do with my blog? About 10 minutes ago, I LOL'd at the ease with which I could propound on this crack-philosophy without making the connection to my own journey. Because, it would appear, the same concept can be applied to losing weight (or any other personal health goal I might have).
In other words, I do a lot of thinking about it, blogging about it, (and even some actual effort too!), but I think if I really wanted it, I would be much farther along in my journey than I am.
It's time to do less talking, more doing. This will mean sacrifice, and effort. I keep telling myself that I can just watch what I eat, make healthy choices and exercise, and I will miraculously slim down. I logged what I ate today, being the first day back on Weight Watchers, and I've already used most of my extra weekly points allowance. I EAT A LOT.
I'm hyper aware of hypocrisy and it drives me crazy when I'm caught in my own web of it. So let's see - do I really want this....or not? Am I willing to make sacrifices and put forth the effort? Now that I'm really sitting with myself and thinking about it, I'm not sure. But it's do or don't time.
Friday, October 15, 2010
I Will Be Five Pounds Heavier!?
Get it? My last blog entry was "The Next Time You See Me..."
Life is funny. As soon as I make a concerted effort, a serious committment, something is bound to happen. This time is was an unexpected meeting between my ever-so-graceful self and the sidewalk. The first time I went out for a run since the 1/2 marathon and I trip and fall, no skid, across the sidewalk in front of the Pleasanton Hotel, in early commute traffic. I think I even bounced once or twice. Despite the pain, I jumped up (I almost did a "Super-Star!" ala Mary Katherine Gallagher of SNL). The thought of someone pulling over to help was the impetus for my remarkable recovery. I was embarassed enough!
I was about half way between home and the coffee shop. So of course, not having had my coffee yet, and perhaps not thinking very clearly, I decided to limp the rest of the way to the coffee shop. I didn't mind bleeding a little, I was wearing an old shirt anyway.
I used the coffee shop bathroom to clean up, then ran into three lady-runners outside who happened to have first aid kits! I was administered to, wished well, and then walked home (it was a much longer walk home than I remembered it being).
Anyway - that was on Wednesday and it's now Friday. I'm sore and bruised and not going to be hiking or running anytime real soon, I would imagine. I showed the girl in the coffee shop my battle wounds today and she said "Oh my god! I thought you were just being a baby!!" (I am a little bit of a baby, but still...thanks for that, coffee shop girl!)
BUT - I did get back into my healthy eating mode. That's something!
So really....the next time you see me, you may want to just steer clear, or throw bandaids my way, or something. This graceful girl has a new reason to lose a few pounds - it won't hurt so much when I fall, right?
Life is funny. As soon as I make a concerted effort, a serious committment, something is bound to happen. This time is was an unexpected meeting between my ever-so-graceful self and the sidewalk. The first time I went out for a run since the 1/2 marathon and I trip and fall, no skid, across the sidewalk in front of the Pleasanton Hotel, in early commute traffic. I think I even bounced once or twice. Despite the pain, I jumped up (I almost did a "Super-Star!" ala Mary Katherine Gallagher of SNL). The thought of someone pulling over to help was the impetus for my remarkable recovery. I was embarassed enough!
I was about half way between home and the coffee shop. So of course, not having had my coffee yet, and perhaps not thinking very clearly, I decided to limp the rest of the way to the coffee shop. I didn't mind bleeding a little, I was wearing an old shirt anyway.
I used the coffee shop bathroom to clean up, then ran into three lady-runners outside who happened to have first aid kits! I was administered to, wished well, and then walked home (it was a much longer walk home than I remembered it being).
Anyway - that was on Wednesday and it's now Friday. I'm sore and bruised and not going to be hiking or running anytime real soon, I would imagine. I showed the girl in the coffee shop my battle wounds today and she said "Oh my god! I thought you were just being a baby!!" (I am a little bit of a baby, but still...thanks for that, coffee shop girl!)
BUT - I did get back into my healthy eating mode. That's something!
So really....the next time you see me, you may want to just steer clear, or throw bandaids my way, or something. This graceful girl has a new reason to lose a few pounds - it won't hurt so much when I fall, right?
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The Next Time You See Me.....
Well, I don't know! Maybe I'll be the same, maybe a little different. It's not like I haven't said this a thousand times already. Kind of like when I quit smoking. I think it took me a good couple hundred tries. Some people would just roll their eyes at every attempt and take bets on my "relapse" date. But I'm nothing if not determined, and I did it eventually. Why not this?
If I can run (the majority) of a half marathon by wanting it badly enough to try, to overcome a few "minor obstacles" and just DO it, then reason says I should be able to do just about anything. Losing 20 pounds should be one of those "anythings".
It's not like I haven't tried and tried and tried before. And it's not like I'm a complete failure (I have lost 12 pounds and kept it off), but something feels different this time. I feel like I deserve it, like I earned it, like I'm strong enough to overcome a few "minor obstacles" and just DO it, for crying out loud!
It is part vanity, yes. I want to look and feel my best (see my scary skinny post below). But believe me, I've been lighter before and it just plain feels better. To those who say "just embrace who you are now!" that's a lovely sentiment, really. And yes, there is a lot to be said for "self acceptance". I try to accept who I am all the time. But "who I am" is not my appearance, it's me on the inside. That's the me I strive to accept and be kind to while also trying to improve.
The sentiment should really be "accept your body the way it is". For people who are healthy (regardless of size or shape) and do that, my hat is off to you. You have "arrived". But for the rest of us, I have to ask...can too much body-acceptance be a bad thing? What if we're "accepting ourselves" right into an early grave? Don't we all deserve the best in life? To have better health now and fewer health problems as we age, to feel better emotionally and physically, have more energy, a better love life, be in a better mood, live longer, respect our bodies as the only one we're going to get in this life? If you can honestly say "YES, and I have all of those things now!" then good for you. Don't fix what ain't broke!
For the rest of us...why is it so freaking HARD to lose a few pounds?
For me - I have obesity, heart disease, and early death all up and down my dad's side of the family. It's safer to be svelte!
I'm ready to say yes. I deserve it. AND Ireallywanttoimprovemyrunningtime!!!
(Ok, I'll admit it, I'm HOOKED on running and it might be easier and I might be faster without this extra weight!)
If I can run (the majority) of a half marathon by wanting it badly enough to try, to overcome a few "minor obstacles" and just DO it, then reason says I should be able to do just about anything. Losing 20 pounds should be one of those "anythings".
It's not like I haven't tried and tried and tried before. And it's not like I'm a complete failure (I have lost 12 pounds and kept it off), but something feels different this time. I feel like I deserve it, like I earned it, like I'm strong enough to overcome a few "minor obstacles" and just DO it, for crying out loud!
It is part vanity, yes. I want to look and feel my best (see my scary skinny post below). But believe me, I've been lighter before and it just plain feels better. To those who say "just embrace who you are now!" that's a lovely sentiment, really. And yes, there is a lot to be said for "self acceptance". I try to accept who I am all the time. But "who I am" is not my appearance, it's me on the inside. That's the me I strive to accept and be kind to while also trying to improve.
The sentiment should really be "accept your body the way it is". For people who are healthy (regardless of size or shape) and do that, my hat is off to you. You have "arrived". But for the rest of us, I have to ask...can too much body-acceptance be a bad thing? What if we're "accepting ourselves" right into an early grave? Don't we all deserve the best in life? To have better health now and fewer health problems as we age, to feel better emotionally and physically, have more energy, a better love life, be in a better mood, live longer, respect our bodies as the only one we're going to get in this life? If you can honestly say "YES, and I have all of those things now!" then good for you. Don't fix what ain't broke!
For the rest of us...why is it so freaking HARD to lose a few pounds?
For me - I have obesity, heart disease, and early death all up and down my dad's side of the family. It's safer to be svelte!
I'm ready to say yes. I deserve it. AND Ireallywanttoimprovemyrunningtime!!!
(Ok, I'll admit it, I'm HOOKED on running and it might be easier and I might be faster without this extra weight!)
Sunday, October 3, 2010
I'm SO TIRED!!!
I just ran the San Jose Rock & Roll Half Marathon!
I now know what it means when people say that running is a MIND GAME.
Saturday, the day before race day, proved to be the day that my mind tried to royally screw me over, and I WON. I woke up with such severe pain in my shoulder that I couldn't take a breath. It had been hurting for a few weeks. I thought maybe as a result of my lingering cough. But the cough is almost gone. The shoulder should feel better, not worse. It was just too much of a coincidence that as race day approached, the pain got worse. I wasn't feeling particularly prepared for the 1/2 marathon run, emotionally OR physically, and now the pain? Good one, you sneaky subconscious mind! But pain is pain, and as I tearfully sat in front of my computer and desperately reached out to my running friends for EMERGENCY ADVICE (which was forthcoming and a lifesaver, by the way)I thought: "There is no way I can run tomorrow." Thankfully, with the advice of friends and family, and the support of my husband who has taught me a great way to approach mind/body pain, the rest of the day was spent icing, motrin-ing, meditating, and having conversations with my mind that sounded like this: "Do not do this to me now. I don't need this. I've got this one, thank you!". By the time I went to bed, it was feeling much better. And I knew it was feeling better because I felt it improving incrementally throughout my SLEEPLESS NIGHT. Well - you can't win them all, right? But I knew that I could breathe, which meant I knew that I could run.
Race day found me popping out of bed at 5:15, not well-rested maybe, but SOOOO psyched! I was feeling good. I jumped in a hot shower - to wake up, to give my shoulder one last blast of heat, and because I had opted to wear a visor instead of a cap. If you know my hair, well....then you know.
I had time to make my whole wheat bagel with peanut butter and banana, choosing to forgo the honey I had planned to drizzle on it. Just one more gooey thing to try and choke down when I wasn't hungry to begin with. I got my number pinned on fairly straight (first attempt!), my clothes on, my shoes laced, and out the door I went. First stop: Starbucks! I was almost late to Kris' house because I hadn't anticipated what a celebrity I would be in the coffee shop at 6am with a racing number on! A barista, two cops, and a veteran runner/racer all had very nice and encouraging things to say.
Ok...gotta run now, bye!
Nikki and I met Kris at her house and we all drove to downtown San Jose together. We decided to run the race as a team. Me, being the slowest runner, would be the draggy pacer and make sure we kept Nikki's heart rate at around 150-155, which seems to be our easy, conversational pace, and Kris wanted to try the slower pace to see if it would equate to more running, less walking, better overall time (it worked, she beat her Personal Record! Way to go KRIS!!!).
We met up with Tish and Jay who were SO nice to start with us in our "slower" starting corral. Of course we never saw them again until the end (congratulations guys!!), but it was fun to spend some pre-race time with those two!
Anyway- being in the starting corral was probably the most exciting and fun part for me. It just went downhill from there! Not really...but sort of. It just got HARD.
We started off! SO exciting!!! Miles 1-2 are always the hardest for me on "longer runs". The task at hand just seems so daunting. But after mile 2 I got into my groove. It seemed like I was always behind, and always yelling: "Nikki! What's your heart rate?! Because I really think it feels like we're running too fast!!!" (we were barely over 130 at that point, but you can never be too careful!). We ended up with an average mile of 14.4 (I think?), slower than our long run pace, but I was being very adamant about going slow. I wanted to finish this thing!
The bands along the way, the cheer groups, the residents, the friends and family of runners, etc. really helped to keep us going. Just when you think you're done, a stranger telling you what a great job you're doing, or an awesome band playing some funky grooves is just what you need to keep going.
Our plan was to run 8 miles, walk 3, then run the last 2. We ran 7, walked 1, ran another 1.6 or so, walked .5, and ran the last 3. I think? Nikki has the actual stats so she'll need to chime in here. But we did much better than we expected to do!
Miles 1-7 were the easiest. Starting up again after walking was tough, which is why we didn't want to stop too often. Then the final two miles were about the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I kept hearing, and was seriously counting on the fact that I would have an adrenaline rush, an endorphin high, a super renewed energy surge to finish strong. Yeah...what a bunch of crap. The last two miles were brutal. The last .5 mile, excruciating! I was barely hanging on. I was just hoping I wouldn't fall over. My feet felt like lead, I had ZERO energy, and when we went through a tunnel, I thought I was going to pass out. My brain was barely able to register that it was just darker because we were in a tunnel.
The finish line was no where to be found, even though people on the sidelines were yelling that we only had a .5 mile to go. We kept going and going and going, took a turn and "oh my God...is that it WAY down there?" The only reason I kept going was because I had something to prove (to myself), AND my husband and son were going to be waiting at the finish line. Rob worried that I would start out strong and not pace myself to finish strong. I wanted that for myself. He wanted it for me. I needed to do this.
Finally....eventually, we made it across (and then kept running for some unknown reason. I had to tell myself to stop running!). There were no tears of joy, or feeling of massive accomplishment. Mentally, I was on empty. And oh, that's when the pain kicked in. My feet felt like they were only staying attached to my ankles by the grace of God. Forget about my legs,I couldn't really feel them at all except for the broken glass swishing around in my knees. All I knew is that I could walk forward fairly easily, but changing directions took some serious concentration given the mind-to-muscle delay and I had to prep for a direction change a good couple of steps before I needed to (that was really weird). The wet towel felt amazing. The water, downed in a second or two. Then walk, walk, walk through the gauntlet. Grab your medal, have your picture taken. More water? Bagel? Granola bar? Triscuits? Walk, walk, walk (how do we get OUT of HERE?). Eventually we made it "out of the chute". I think they make you do this to cool down, keep walking, and get your wits about you!
And there into the adoring and proud arms of my family! Rob told me that they were barely on their way when he got the text message that we crossed the 10 mile mark. He joked that they had to run a 1/4 mile to the finish line and they were exhausted. HA HA HA!! Oh, that was funny.
We met up with Tish and Jay and a bunch of other people at Mexico Lindo for a well deserved meal and margarita (or two)!
On the way home, I did cry a little bit. I could barely run a block 6 months ago. And today I ran a half marathon. I feel really, really, really freaking good about that!
Now I'm home, hot shower, get it all down in my blog before I forget, and off to do some gentle YOGA in my gazebo and sit alone with myself for awhile.
Will I do it again? HELL NO!!!! Ok, maybe. Maybe I can beat my PR and go for 2:59. I think if it hadn't been for the two porta potty stops, we would have HAD it!
