And Now For Something Different!

I decided to try my hand at a little "cowboy poetry". If you don't know what that is, I'm afraid I can't help you. I don't really know either. From what I can gather, it's a very simplistic style of poetry (oh good, my favorite!), very "rhyme-y" since cowboys were largely illiterate and the rhymes helped them remember the stories, anecdotes, etc.

Anyway - I call this:

 "Ode to my Mare"

A stocky mare, buckskin or bay
With lots of heart, who will try for me

A Quarter Horse type, for all the ranchin’ I’d do

Is what I wanted, ‘til I saw you

A hardscrabble grade mare of no stock to one’s knowing

All spotted and painted with too much white showing

As I headed down the hill toward your pasture, I sighed

A waste of my time was this scrawny ride

I resigned to come closer to take a good look

Slowly lifted your fly mask as my hands shook

For all the physical traits I was hoping to see

I saw in your heart how you’d try for me

The End

Back The F&%$ OFF!!

Just kidding. Or practicing! No....kidding.

I'm not a fighter. Unless we're talking "Dance Off!", in which case I WILL....kick....your....ass.

But lookie here at my Christmas present from Santa Rob!

It's a Boker Trapperliner with a red bone handle. It has a cool one handed opening feature and all sorts of other details that sounded necessary and awesome. It's a must have for any cowgirl out on the trail. Not for protection so much (I'm afraid I might do more damage to myself than a would-be assailant), but to get out of potential sticky (stuck?) sitcheeashuns (that's 'Cowboy' for "situations"). It cuts through leather, rope, whatever we might get hung up on. Hopefully I won't have to use it, but I better practice cutting stuff just in case!

It's all part of the "Cowgirl Essentials" collection that I'm amassing for my complete Cowgirl transformation. There's still some other things I need. To quote Cowgirl Red (blogger), a "spanks/chaps combo" would be delightful! I could also use some jeans that come up higher than my belly button but don't look like mom jeans or the godawful armpit waisted Wranglers that the FFA kids in high school used to wear, and are still being manufactured I have noticed. Some cows would be good too I suppose.

This is what I have to work with. A shamefully muddy horse.

Don't let her crestfallen look fool you. She is extremely proud of her mud jacket. She can blend in with her surroundings and she smells like crap. No predator animals will pay her any mind. 

I made the decision not to blanket my horse after doing a lot of research. She has shelter she can go into, we're in California, not Nebraska, horses can self-regulate their body temperature and blanketing them can impede their natural abilities, etc. etc.  The down side is that I have a ridiculously dirty horse. But that's ok (eye roll, long suffering sigh). She deserves to be a horse.

Hey, remember how I was complaining about Chia seeds? Well, I found a way to eat them after all! Actually, I do this for my husband. I'm not much of an "energy bar" person, but Rob eats a couple of those overly processed, sugar filled, protein bars a day. So this is his new alternative!

They are raw, vegan, and pretty tasty! Here is how you make them:

Combine:
3/4 Cup Old Fashioned Quaker Oats
2 Oz Chia Seeds (this is the Chia seed part!!!)
1 Oz Sesame Seeds
1/3 Cup shredded sweetened coconut
1/3 Cup Peanut Butter
1/4 Cup Flax seed Meal
1 Tbl Coconut oil
1 Tbl Agave nectar

Smush it all up, press it into a baking dish lined with plastic wrap, cover with plastic wrap and smush it down even, then put it in the freezer for two hours. Remove from freezer, flip it out of the baking dish and onto a cutting board and cut it into squares. It's supposed to make 12 servings, but they would be the size of caramel chews, so I say more like 8 servings. Enjoy!

I started Weight Watchers again this week because I love to cook and their recipes are the BOMB. Seriously, the best recipes I've made. I'm down 1.5 pounds since Sunday and I think...I KNOW...that if I can just stick with it, I will finally lose those 20 pounds that crept up on me after I quit smoking and met the love of my life! This is my year....I can feel it. : )

Happy 12/12/12!

It is a glorious day. I can fit into my fat jeans again! I actually stole that line from a friend. I love it! Let's celebrate!

Chia Seeds don't work. Well, they might if I actually ate them, but I found them to be a bit...uh...crunchy and distracting. I probably just didn't eat enough of them. Think of taking a mouthful of sugar to cure hiccups (have you tried that?) or a handful of peanuts when your mouth is already dry. That's what it's like to eat them. I even mixed them in with my yogurt and cereal. There are only so many foods you can mix them into/add them on top of. I'm just not committed enough to risk my home made Mac 'n Cheese tonight by adding them as a topping in lieu of bread crumbs!

Anyway, I'm in one of those moods where I have a love/hate relationship with my body. My Neanderthal brain is trying to high five me for setting myself up to survive the winter and attract my mate with my ample and obvious "health". I don't hate it. I feel like I'm supposed to hate being this size, but I don't want to.

My modern brain is another story! It's not being very helpful, in fact it's being downright hurtful.

You wouldn't believe some of the things I catch myself saying to myself when I pay attention (I can only imagine what I say to myself when I'm NOT paying attention!). I'm beginning to suspect some trickery and high jinks. I really wish I knew where those feelings of anger, disgust, and inadequacy stem from. I really like Neanderthal brain. Much nicer!
So let me think on that for a while....

My horse doesn't care! : )

Speaking of my horse (really smooth transition, I know) I sure picked a challenging one! She's emotional and sensitive, and very good at expressing herself (and because she's a horse, she really doesn't care if it hurts my feelings). When I show up, halter in hand, she turns and walks the other way a few steps (at least she only goes a few steps). But if we're going out on a trail ride, I swear it looks like she's watching me hitch up the trailer and she waits for me in her stall (no walking away!). It's weird. FYI - horses don't generally like trailer rides like dogs like car rides, and they don't like to be away from their familiar surroundings and horse/herd friends either.

When I try to work her in the arena, we don't really see eye to eye a lot of the time. She has moments of brilliance, which give me hope, followed by days of complete sullenness that leave me frustrated. On days that are more mediocre, she cooperates somewhat (because I've worn her down, probably!) but she's got one eye on the gate and tries to hurry through our schooling session so that it will be over.

I can't really blame her. She's had 5 owners in the past 7 years, not by any fault of her own. She's not a bad horse, not a problem horse. She's had good, kind owners. I don't know of any abuse in her past. She just hasn't had a whole lot of consistency. We're coming along, but horse time is much slower than human time. As much as I appreciate the advice and help of well meaning horse friends, it really is our own journey to travel together. We'll figure things out. I have no problem taking the long and hard way. I don't know when we'll have that "magical bond" that happens between horse and rider. I see a glimmer from time to time....like when she comes to me while I clean her stall just to say hello and get a scratch (I have to be careful not to love on her too much or she freaks out and goes away!), or when we're out on the trail, just the two of us, and I can feel her relax underneath me and we both seem to move into the same, slow, time-zone for a while.

I had my last horse for 25 years, and I'm pretty sure we didn't have that bond after just one year, maybe not even after 10! I can't tell you when it happened. Maybe it was the day she died and she tried to stay with me because I was so sad. It's different with every horse and human. I have a feeling Maddie is going to really make me work for it, which is just fine with me. I'm here to stay, Baby Girl!

Ch Ch Ch Chia!

Wow, it's been a while! I've been so busy. I organized/hosted a Vaquero Horsemanship Clinic on November 17th/18th and all of my time in the weeks before was spent on that, and work, and house, and horse, and...and...well, you know.

It was a great success! It was a lot of work and I spent the following week wandering around in a sleep deprived haze. But...we're going to do it again!

Here are some pictures.

We filled the clinic with 12 riders and had several auditors (people watching, not on horseback):

The Tri-Tip BBQ Saturday Night was a hit! Rob and a friend grilled 12 Santa Maria style Tri Tip steaks and we fed about 40 people:

Our super fun and talented entertainment, Michael McNevin and Patrick McLellan (their first number was "Don't Fence Me In"!):

As you can imagine - my healthy eating went by the wayside and I managed to creep back up to my usual starting "high weight".

But THEN I caught an episode of Dr. Oz about a miracle weight loss aid - the super food; "Chia Seeds". Google it! They are a complete protein, high fiber, high in Omega 3's tiny seed that you eat by the Tablespoon-full. They hold 9 times their weight in water and help you feel full, aid in digestion, etc. I started yesterday and lo and behold, I only ate about 1200 calories instead of my usual 2500. I just wasn't hungry! I'm also trying to make those calories count with healthier choices. Since I'm going to be eating less, I want to pack as many nutrients as possible into my daily diet. I lost 1.5 pounds overnight. My goal is 2 pounds a week, 16 pounds in two months and I'll be at my goal weight.

Let's see how THIS one works!

Staying Real

This is super boring, but I suppose if I'm going to "get real", that means I better "stay real". It's not nearly as much fun as it is to go wild, then lament about my lack of progress, then make up all kinds of stories for myself.

I didn't lose anything this week. But I didn't gain either. And I know exactly why, because I was honest. But it's between me and my notebook (pssssst...it's Halloween week!).

Getting Real...REALLY Real.

All right. I had a really long talk with myself. It got deep. I wanted to be completely open and honest, hold nothing back. That sounds kind of silly, but if you know anything about human nature, you know all about the stories we tell ourselves...OH, the stories! Anything to appease the ego, to get instant gratification, or to make ourselves feel better about the less-than excellent choices we may be making on a daily basis.

One good example is that of a smoker who doesn't want to quit smoking, or DOES, but is afraid. She will tell herself ALL kinds of stories to continue smoking. I know, because that was me once. The self deception was really shocking. I thought that experience taught me all I needed to know about our capacity for self-deceipt, but apparently I'm a natural. So good at it that I don't always know when I'm doing it! (on a conscious level) That could be true for many of us!

So what's different here? Nothing. Do I want to get back to my healthier weight? The one where I felt comfortable in my jeans, in a bathing suit (as comfortable as one can ever feel in a bathing suit). If the answer is no, then I need to accept it. If the answer is yes, well, that's where the talk comes in.

What am I telling myself on a daily basis that is preventing me from achieving my goals?

I wanted to unravel the web of deception I've been weaving for myself. That has to be where I'm going wrong. It just has to be. This is Getting Real 101. Here are a few things I've figured out over the past couple of years:

1) I'm slightly-to-highly carb sensitive. I know this because my blood sugar was tested at a health fair once and they told me I was almost diabetic....and not to eat dried fruit. That's all I remember, I'm sure there was more.

2) When I eat carbs, the starchy kind, I hop on board the carb-train and cannot get off! I eat everything in sight! It's really weird, and kind of scary, how out of control I feel.

3) Eating low carb, does NOT mean I get to eat cheese and olives and bacon all day long. I don't care if Atkins says I can (not that I've tried Atkins). He doesn't know just HOW much cheese and olives and bacon I can put away in a day.

4) I love red wine. Love, love, love red wine (and the occasional martini). But it's not calorie free, nor do I get a "wine delta" if I do yoga or clean my horse's stall. The math doesn't work that way. Wine produces a chemical called acetate. Your body must burn that off BEFORE it reaches into it's fat stores. So anything you eat during the day, is just gonna have to wait it's turn to get burned off. If you drink a lot of wine, it's going to be a longer wait. If you have excess fat to burn (i.e. you would like to actually LOSE weight), the wait could be endless. Welcome to diet hell!

As much as I've tried to tell myself that "It's part of my fluid intake and I don't really have to count those calories because I can just get some extra physical activity and it will be a wash..." etc. etc. (the rationalizing goes on and on and becomes more entertaining and outlandish with every glass!), it's a lie.

5) Yoga works. Period. I'm a die hard believer that whatever ails you, yoga will help. If you feel fat, do yoga for a week. You'll feel like a lithe little jungle cat in no time! Your posture will improve (that's good for a couple of pounds right there), it will ease the stress and anxiety caused by change (I didn't really feel that, but I understand some people do.), the list goes on (firms muscles, improves sleep, increases flexibility, etc.)

So - this week, I decided to get real. No BS. I was going to have a  "do it or not, but just don't lie about it" kind of week (god, I think I've said that to a man or two in the past). And I did.

I did yoga every night because it helps....with everything.
I stuck to low carb - one serving of whole grains per day, the rest of the day, lean proteins (mostly), some healthy fats, dairy, all the fruit and vegetables I wanted.
I reduced my wine intake. I did a lot of research and decided that not only would (2) 5 oz. glasses per night be acceptable (that's really just one big glass of wine), it could actually aid in weight loss. I'm not lying to myself, I READ THAT!

Well, I did it. I lost 3.5 pounds, feel nice and lean(er), and have to admit, there is probably something to "truth". Damn it!!!

I'm going to stick to it and see what happens. It's not easy being 100% honest with myself. Logging everything. EVERYthing. But if this is what I have to do, I'll do it.

YES!

Finally, something to report! I've lost a .5 pound! (That's a "HALF" pound, not "FIVE" pounds, in case your eyesight is going like mine and you can't see the decimal in front of the "5").

While this may not seem like big news, it's pretty huge. Why? Because I've actually stuck with something for more than a week and it's finally paying off!

I started tracking with Weight Watchers again several weeks ago, had some really fun weekends where all bets were off, yet still managed to maintain my current weight. Then, we had one weekend with no plans, and I actually came off of it weighing exactly the same as I did going into it! That has never happened.  I think it allowed me to actually lose a little bit this week, instead of just losing what I had gained over two days of too much fun!

And it gives me some inspiration to try it again this weekend (no plans again), and then maybe....maybe....try it over a weekend where we do have plans!

The point is, I think it can be done. I don't think I'm stuck. I don't know if I'll get into Rob's birthday dress by November 21st.....but I'm still going to try.

Back to the horse front, this is my friend Linda and I:

We figured out that we haven't ridden together in about 30 years!  Now that I have a trailer, I can go visit her and we can ride together. So much fun! In case you're curious about our history together, here is a little story about the first time she and I ever rode a horse (and not just the pony-ride kind of ride):

Nanuk and StarBucks - Eline and Linda's Wild Ride

Linda and I went to grade school together and there was a pasture with two horses behind the schoolyard. We were probably 8 or 9 years old. When we weren't galloping around the playground pretending we were wild horses, we were stealing apples from the auditorium garbage cans after lunch and feeding them to the horses.


One day after school, we brought a couple of  boxes of sugar cubes back to the pasture and started feeding them to the horses....ALL of them!

We must have been eating them too because we got hopped up enough to think it was a good idea to dare each other to climb the fence and jump on a horse. We had both read The Black Stallion series - so we knew exactly how it was going to go down, of course.

We chose our mounts (mine was Nanuk, a palomino gelding), climbed the fence and hopped on. One horse took off at a gallop and the other one followed. They ran across the field, down a hill, jumped across a little creek, then into the woods, zig zagging all over the place (and going under every low branch they could find!).

They finally galloped out of the woods and into a clearing, then hung a sharp right into the barn. We slid off their backs, shaking like crazy, and realized we were trapped in the barn because the house was right across the driveway and we didn't want to get shot! (which we figured was the penalty for riding someone else's horse without permission).

Eventually we managed to sneak out of the barn and ran back down through the woods, hootin' and hollerin' of course - VERY impressed with our horseback riding skills (not to mention lucky to have survived!).

We were hooked after that! That is the only ride I remember, but Linda said we rode these horses pretty regularly after that.

We got our first ponies shortly after (we had been working on our parents for a few years prior to our wild ride. I think the ride just made us that much more persistent!)

Can you imagine how much fun it is to ride together again? Not quite as exhilarating as that first ride...but pretty fun!

Just Too Darn Busy Having Fun!

I'm still down 4 pounds and I lost a couple of inches from my waist, but I've sort of stalled. I think I should probably go back to tracking for a while to see where I might be over-doing it.

Eating low carb has turned out to be very easy and makes me feel better anyway, so it's a win win. If I don't lose more weight, then whatever. As long as my horse's knees don't buckle under me, we're good!

Since I got the truck and trailer, Maddie and I have been out and about having the time of our lives!

We met my friend Carla and her horse Rain at a Gymkhana in Livermore where we took 2nd place over all in our division! In case you don't know, Gymkhana is barrel racing, pole bending, etc. The horse and rider are timed and the fastest horse with no penalties wins! We were just doing it for fun and didn't go too fast. We were also in the most novice group! But I was very proud of my baby girl. She's always up for anything!

Here is Carla and I:

My Champion!

Then I took a drive out to Livermore to ride with my childhood friend Linda! We got our first ponies together when we were 10 years old - Baby Doll and Little Vick. Then we got our big horses at around the same time when we were 12 or so - Mandy and Duffy. We haven't ridden together in 30 years! What a treat!

The Livermore ranch lands:

Here we are in Sunol Regional Park!

One of our first solo trailer rides was to Sycamore Grove Park in Livermore:

I'm afraid people won't be seeing too much of me when the weather is nice!

Hello Me, It's Me Again!

That's a reference to a Megadeath song, who I saw in concert several years ago and where I realized I was too old to go to Megadeath concerts (I was called "Ma'am" for the first time in my life, as in "Ma'am, you need to get out of the mosh pit! It's very dangerous!"). All righty then! It was Dave Matthews concerts after that.

Anyway, I'm down another pound this week. This is really cool! No dieting, tracking, worrying, etc. I just don't eat bread and garbage like chips (but Pork Rinds are A-O.K!). Everything else is on. The first week was rough. I didn't have cravings but I feel bad for my husband, I was kind of a train wreck of inconsolable despair and mini-tantrums. (Rob just read this bit and said he was completely unaware of my inconsolable despair and mini-tantrums. I guess they were more "internal"!)

I'm also pretty much a bad ass now. Just thought I'd tell you in case you haven't heard. I can now hitch my horse trailer to my ol' pick up, load my horse in, hit the road and find some trails! It took me a half hour to go 17 or so miles on our first outing (I didn't go faster than 35 MPH), but we got there eventually and it was great! So now, that's where you can find us on the weekends....if you can find us!

Oh, Who Am I Kidding!?

I can't keep a secret!

I've almost completed the first week of my "top secret plan". I've had plenty of red wine, cheese, prosciutto, dark chocolate, olives, bacon, fish, shrimp, you name it! Of course I also eat a LOT of fruits and vegetables. The only thing missing from the list is bread. Bread, rice, pasta, etc. The "starchy carbs". The white ones.

I'm limiting the brown/whole grain starches as well, to one serving per day. It could be a potato, corn, bread, pasta, tortillas, whatever, but one serving, one time per day, if that.

I'm not tracking, logging, counting, worrying, wondering, or whining. I'm just living, and enjoying my life.

I've read some articles and I've done some research. I want to be one of those healthy people who don't obsess and track every bite, worrying over every calorie. I want to be like one of those long-lived people you hear about who live in some hilly Italian village, enjoying mild exercise daily, eating when hungry, stopping when almost full. Eating for sustenance, but also for the enjoyment of it. I want sustained energy, I don't want to crave carbs and sugar (eating them leads to craving them even more). I don't want to feel hungry all the time.

This was a rough week. Either because I was going through carb withdrawal, or because it was just a rough week. But the one thing that wasn't rough was my diet. I ate when I was hungry, I stopped when I was full. No rules other than the one mentioned above (one serving of starchy carb, whole grain only, one time per day). And I probably skipped that a few days. I was too busy eating prosciutto or capacola wrapped mozzarella cheese with a side of Calabrese olives and cherries.

Or this warm shrimp salad with corn, avocado and goat cheese:

When I did have my daily starchy carb, it was in a fish and potato bake, or a goat cheese, spinach, walnut pesto and avocado sandwich:

(You notice goat cheese is sort of a staple in my house)

I'm trying to do a lot more yoga. It really connects the mind to the body and gives me a stronger sense of inner-wisdom. My body knows what it needs. I'm learning to listen all over again.

I feel great! No hunger, no cravings, no feelings of "failing". Everything in moderation, some things more moderated than others. Pork Rinds are the new Cheese Puff!

And the best part, I lost 3 pounds! I think I'm ready to be free.

Bend, Boots & Babies! (and beer....and blues...and boats...and butte...)

I couldn't decide which B words to use, there are so many to choose from!

I did something I've never done before. I came home from a vacation weighing the same as when I left! And I ate and drank to my heart's content. The only thing I did differently is that I did not use the vacation as an excuse to go crazy with "road trip" food or copious amounts of chips (I had some, don't get me wrong, but they weren't my staple!).

I ate more "low carb' than I would normally eat on vacation. Out on the boat, for example, everyone had sandwiches and crackers, I had egg salad and fruit (and beer, but whatever, it's still a vacation!).  Beer is a tough one to avoid in Bend. There are more breweries per capita than anywhere on EARTH! And good beer too!

I also continued my "daily commitment" to get up early and do one activity, for myself, for at least 30 minutes (yoga, walk, meditate, run, horseback ride, hike, whatever), the only difference is that it did NOT involve getting up early.

I emphasize the "for myself" because I don't want to think of doing an activity I enjoy as a chore. It's a gift to myself. A big fat sweaty hug every day! I choose activities that will hopefully contribute to health, vitality, balance, etc. Today however, suffering from a vacation hangover, I gave myself the gift of extra sleep!

Back to Bend......

We hiked up the Butte one day: (Oh yes, I have proof!)

We danced our butts off for a solid 90 minutes to this guy - Tommy Castro, Munch and Music at Drake Park:

We were in the "front row" right below the stage and periodically, someone would jump up on the stage and dance until security kicked them off. I decided it was something Emily and I should do, considering our slick moves and all. So I "co-erced" her into hopping up on stage with me (really, it was just a head nod toward the stage and me mouthing the words: "LETS GO!?"). That was fun!

But the best part of our visit were these little angels:

Oh my gosh, two more perfect little girls could not exist anywhere in the world! I am so proud of my niece Brenna. She is such a fantastic mom and role model. And Matthew is such an amazing dad. I'm very proud of both of them. Here is my beautiful niece Brenna with one of her babies (shoot, I don't know which one!):

Matthew was probably attending to the other one!

We girls did some of this:  

While the men-folk tended to the babies (so cute!):

And of course, it's just not a trip to Bend without a pilgrimage to Cowgirl Cash! (an awesome cowboy boot consignment store where I can pick up some "already broken in" boots!):

And yes, I usually wear them out of the store!

We usually do consignment store shopping because the stuff is so good, and it's cheap, and there is no sales tax! At another store called "Rescue", I grabbed a Sue Wong dress off the rack and kind of jokingly held it up to me, because it WOULD look super cute with my new boots! Rob's mouth hit the floor and he insisted I try it on. "Isn't it a bit too....uhhhhh....you know....for me?" He said it was "just the right amount of....uhhhh....you know..." (I don't remember the word I used, but it wasn't a good one).

The only problem was that the dress was a size or two too small! It's a size 8, and I am not! Right now. But it was the only one (since it's a consignment store). And even though it was "previously owned", it wasn't cheap.

Rob decided that I needed to have it. I told him it didn't fit....but if he bought it for me....I would be in it for his birthday! Besides, Glen (my brother in law) said I could always "flip it". Lol! SOLD!

(sorry for the bad photography, you get the idea)

I have a secret way to get to my goal and in that dress by November 21st  that I'm not divulging yet. It's too secret. But I'm hoping to have a big reveal. I just want that damned REVEAL!

Considering I didn't get into a bikini by Memorial Day or 4th of July, and Labor Day ain't happening....we'll have to see if my top secret plan works. Stay tuned....,,

What Day Is This? (Or...The Red Bikini)

I lost track of my 21 Day Free to Love Meditation Challenge! We went camping for four days and I had ZERO bars (no reception). So in a way, that was a meditation in and of itself!

Four days of this:

And this:

Same thing, right?

I did splurge a bit on the eating, but not much...just the odd S'more and Cheese Puff here and there.

I found an old "calorie log" notebook from 2010 and noticed my weight was the same back then as it is today. So even though I haven't made it to that illusory goal of "whatever-it-is" (maybe that's my problem?), I've maintained! Yay me. I have to pat myself on the back for being so persevering. If only there were an Olympic sport of dieting!

I almost did a stupid, yet funny, thing yesterday. Almost. I think the fact that I didn't, means I've really grown as a person. Either that, or I'm slipping. A year ago, I probably would have done it. I was driving down Main Street in Pleasanton, when from the corner of my eye, I spotted the brightest red bikini I'd ever seen! It was like a beacon calling out to me, a siren! An otherworldly fabric demanding my attention. It was hanging outside a boutique on a Sale rack. I decided that it was fate, and that THAT would be my "goal bikini". Great idea, right? I pulled over, walked to the boutique, grabbed the bikini (and some other really cute sale items) and headed for the dressing room. Of course I knew the bikini wouldn't fit. I just wanted to see...... By the way, this is the same boutique from my blog post No Really, Where Is The Normal Person's Large? And oh my god! Well, the suit had been marked down from a ridiculous price of $80, to $49, to $29, to $19, and then finally to a needy and desperate $15. And do you know why? Because no woman, no normal, healthy woman, is ever going to fit into a "Medium" size of anything this designer makes. I think I got one leg in. I didn't even cry! I did what any woman in my position would do; thought about taking a picture of me in a portion of the bathing suit to post to my blog to go along with the story I was going to tell about it. I wish I had! Now THAT would have been funny!

Mid-Challenge Update

Today is day 12 of the Meditation Challenge! I'm one day behind so I have to power through two meditation sessions today. Maybe "power through" is counter-intuitive to meditation. I'll see if I can "sit and quietly settle my mind in the space between breaths for 15 minutes" twice.

I am really enjoying it. It actually is starting to feel like a habit. I skipped one day and I missed it (but I had to get up at 5am for a pre-work meeting and just never got around to it later).

And the clean eating - well, aside from a couple of BBQs and a slight mishap when I was cleaning out my cupboards and fridge after one of them (some chips and dip accidentally found their way into my mouth en route to the trash can), I've done really well! I'm eating mostly small meals through out the day. Primarily because I didn't really plan this thing out too well or shop properly for it.  I feel as if I'm eating as a peasant would, had they access to a ton of fresh produce and good lean protein; Plain Greek yogurt with berries and honey for breakfast, snacking on things like cherry tomatoes and mozzarella cheese, a hard boiled egg and an apple, or brussel sprouts and a bowl of cherries - whatever I can scavenge that is mostly fresh (not packaged). Reading back through that sentence, I can understand how that may not sound to appealing to some, but brussel sprouts and cherries are two of my favorite foods, believe it or not! Dinner is when I eat my whole grains - rice or pasta, with more vegetables and protein. I feel better if I eat the carbs at night. I'm less sluggish and less hungry during the day if I avoid them before dinner. I did manage to lose the 4 pounds I had gained over a few "debaucherous" weekends!

I'm doing mostly yoga for exercise. I'm just feeling like I want a "quieter" work out to go along with my "quieter mind" and "peasant-like" eating (I did warn you that I would become obnoxious).

In other news - Perhaps it's totally incongruous with my meditative, natural, 21 day challenge-y lifestyle, but I also just bought a big pick up truck! Yes, it's a gas guzzling, V-8, 460 Ford. I need something to tow my future horse trailer. A cowgirl needs a truck!

Namaste!

Does This Bliss Make My Butt Look Big?

I started the Deepak Chopra 21 Day "Free to Love" Meditation Challenge today!

Here's the link if you'd like to join me:

https://www.chopracentermeditation.com/Bestsellers/RegistrationPage.aspx?BookId=169


I decided I also needed to get back to clean eating, so why not make the same 21 day commitment?

Experts say it takes 21 days to create a habit. If I can stick with anything for more than a week, it will be a small miracle, but I'm going to try!

I figure that if I don't lose weight, I will be so blissed out, on account of all that meditating, that I won't even notice...or care! I think this could work.


I've just felt lately that I've gotten slovenly with my "Right Effort" and it's time to step up my game. Self improvement makes me feel, well, self improved. It may sound funny, but I think the opposite of self improvement is self un-improvement. And oh, how quickly I can slip into bad habits! I don't want to be un-improved. I want to continue to grow and change, which I think means improve. Inside and out.

Quick warning! I have a feeling I'm going to become one obnoxious mofo in the weeks to come - touting all the wonderful benefits of both meditation and clean eating - only to fall off the wagon and into a cheese puff coma after polishing off a bottle of red wine. Self-knowledge can be a curse at times!

Let's see if I can do this. If I can't...you know me, I'll be the first person to tell you!

Ommmmmm............

Harumph!

Wow, has it really been since June 29th since I blogged?

While I'm still not thrilled with the scale, I have two, recently purchased items of clothing in a size 10 that are "loose".  I also had to go a notch tighter on my belt, so I'm not going to sweat the couple of pounds I'm up.

I've been running, practicing yoga, riding, dancing...the usual, so I'm no sloth!

Work is busy, and my horse is the worst kind of mistress...has me spending all my time and money, then demands more of both.

More later....!

Just For Fun!

Oh dear lord, some of the things I Google.....

I saw a Facebook post about "something something classy woman" and it made me think...what IS a classy woman?  Is it someone who is well educated? I don't think so. I've met some pretty well educated woman who don't seem particularly classy to me. Is it someone who is "tres fashionable"? (or speaks fluent French?) No, I don't think so. How about money? Can money buy class? ha ha ha! (that's all I have to say about that).

I wasted a lof of my youth trying to get in trouble. I always seemed to get away with murder (not literally), but I wanted so badly to be a bad girl. I didn't want to be the one the cops always let go with a "find yourself some nicer friends" warning. I wanted to be hauled off to jail. Throw me in the can! I love that song about Folsom...and the prison there...and whatnot.

I smoked Marlborough Reds and partied a LOT. Just to prove a point (now I wish I had done a bit less of both, not so fun being bad ass looking in my 40's).

I like to cuss. I say "Fuck" all the time, for many reasons: 1) It's fun 2) It's shocking 3) I'm a bad ass.

My ex-husband once said; "Eline, it just doesn't seem like that word should come out of your mouth!" So I said it even more. Why shouldn't it come out of my mouth? I'm dangerous!

Anyway, my mom, who always has THE best wisdom EVER (she has given me three gems in my lifetime. They are sacred, I live my life by them, they are all I need). One of them was: "Oh Eline, LET people think of you what they will....My goodness, when in the world would it be a disadvantage for people to hold you in higher regard that you deserve?" (HA HA, I'm pretty sure she didn't use those words exactly, but you get the idea). I think I had been complaining that people thought I was a "goody two-shoes" or something (I know! What the hell was my problem?).

So here is my awesome Google find. Copied From "Ehow", classy typos and all:

Instructions

How to Identify a Classy Woman

1 There is no classier woman than a woman who spends time with herself for grooming purposes. Look at a lady from head to toe. Her hair should look like it's been brushed and styled. It should not look like she just got out of bed or have been lying around on the couch all day (like some untalented stylists have lead some women to believe).

First of all, if I'm spending "time with myself"....it's not for grooming purposes. And that's probably why I have "bedhead".

2 Look at the hands. They should be clean and groomed. The nails can be short or long. They can be polished or unpolished. The polish should not be chipping off.

Oops.

3 Look at the feet, if they are exposed. They should be clean and smooth. There should not be the appearance of a light "pie crust" around the feet. The nails should be short. They can be polished or unpolished. The polish should not be chipping off.

What the fuck is a pie crust???

4 The lady should have a smooth and flowing gait. They should not walk hunched over. They should not drag and slide their feet. Their head should be up and not starring down. Their arms should be close to their body as they walk.

Omg, is a non-classy lady Sasquatch? Do people really slide their feet and flail their arms around when they walk? I wanna see that! Am I horse? What is my 'gait'? This is hillarious!


5 A classy woman will always leave you with the impression of "I wonder what...". However, if a woman has a nice body and she feels she has to practically be undressed to make sure you see her (The ole if you got it flaunt it mentality), not only is she not classy, she is insecure. This is evident by the fact that when she goes to meet your mother, she tries to dress like a librarian.

But what if I look better naked???

6 A classy woman will always leave the privilege of seeing her assets to the special man in her life. You must ask yourself, does a woman have to advertise to every man on the planet what her body looks like? If so, is there anything special she's reserving for the special man in her life to see?

Speechless. Should we wear Burkas so as not to "advertise" what we look like? Try telling that to clothing designers (I can't name any, I'm not classy enough).

7 Look for confidence in a classy woman. They make men wonder. They treat themselves as if they are royalty. A classy woman understands that if she doesn't treat herself as if she's special, she shouldn't expect a man to treat her as if she's special.

I'm a fucking queen, are you kidding me? Oh my god, go fuck yourself!

Now I know why I don't want to be "classy".

Drat! Foiled AGAIN!

Today is my weigh in and I am up a pound. We returned from vacation (a very active one, I might add) on Sunday and I didn't dare weigh myself (ok, I did, and it wasn't pretty). So here I am, still up a pound. What gives?

I hardly think the day we have planned at the county fair tomorrow is going to help matters any.

Last night, I mentioned to Rob that I found it odd (and frustrating) that I keep repeating this strange, twisted cycle: I will think to myself that I look perfectly fine, actually pretty great, even admiring my own backside in the mirror from time to time! (ON occasion, IF I have really cute jeans on). Is it terrible to admit that? You do it too, right?

I'll be on a roll, running and working out, practicing yoga and feeling super centered and serene, only to get on the scale and realize that I've been kidding myself. I must have been imagining things. I must have some bizarre Narcissus complex, an exagerated self-confidence, an unnaturally high self esteem, because the scale is telling me that I'm a failure, a big fat loser. And then I do the strangest thing; I believe it. But that can't be, can it?  Scales can't talk, can they?

Why does mine?

I'm going to think about this awhile.....

I will probably do one of two things:

1) I'll shrug it off, and eat vegetable soup for three days after the fair and try again.

2) I'll throw out the scale and keep doing my best without weighing in so that I can at least imagine that I'm in control, and feel really good about it!

I'm taking bets if you'd like to place one.

I Think I Did It!

I've become one of those obnoxious people I used to laugh at, while enjoying my morning cocktail, who use vacations as "new and exciting opportunities for outdoor fitness". Blech!

My goal was to come home at least the same weight, if not a little lighter, than I was when I left. I've just gotten so tired of going on vacation, only to have to spend the following few weeks trying to un-do the damage. I may have come home the same weight, but I ain't gettin' on no scale at no 4 O'clock in the afternoon!

I will weigh in tomorrow, at a reasonable hour.

Back to the obnoxious "active vacationer" I've become. Of the seven full days I was on vacation, I managed to get in about five work outs. Here they are, in order:

First stop, the family cabin at Clear Lake.

My sister in law and I had chatted briefly about "being on the same page" as far as healthful eating (for the most part). Between her Tuna Panzanella, and my Bread Salad, healthy snacks (mostly), and our good intentions, I think we did quite well (and Nancy, you looked fabulous, by the way!).

My brother and I got in a nice 3.2 mile interval run/walk on the 2nd day. I followed it with a swim of a "couple of miles" to our best estimation. It was probably more like 200 yards, but it was "open water" so... I think there's a conversion chart for that somewhere.

On day three, I did something that I have always kind of wanted to do: hike to the top of Mt. Konocti!

My cousin Jill had done it the week before (and was proposed to!) and posted pictures on facebook, sent me a handy link, and a very good tip (start EARLY, it's HOT!).

Mt. Konocti is a pretty sizable volcano (I think. I'm not really a "Volcano Expert" so I don't actually know if it's big or small by volcano standards). What I do know, is that it's always in the background, hogging the sky line, of just about every photo anyone has ever taken from the cabin. I've grown up gazing up at it from my floatie in the water, listening to the Native American tale of how it came to be, feeling dwarfed by it, nervously wondering if it's active or not, sitting on the deck watching the sun set behind it. It's really quite majestic.

The hike was about 6.5 miles round trip, 3.5 hours, with a 2000' elevation gain.

Here is a photo of three of my favorite guys. While the rest of the family went to brunch and then wine tasting (yes, I said brunch and then wine tasting), we hiked!

Here is a photo from "almost" the top...

And here is the "real" top....

I didn't go over the cyclone fence, through the barbed wire, and up the steps of the closed and boarded up tower to take this shot....I don't have any recollection of how I may have obtained this photo...

And in case you thought I was exaggerating about the "mountain hogging the sky line of every photo", here is a montage:

 

Morning




Noon
 

Night!
It's always there, and it was time to hike it!

After a fabulous 4 days of running, hiking, swimming, and hanging out with my family at the lake, it was time for us to head for higher ground. We had rented a house on Donner Lake near Tahoe with some friends, so onward we go!

Here is the house:

I love this photo because our friend Kris had arrived a little later than the rest of us, and notice how we're all on the deck, having cocktails and chatting, completely unaware of the fact that she has bags all over the place. I think we may have waved "Hello!" (we did end up helping her unpack her car...eventually).

This was our neighborhood for the next three days:

We eased ourselves in to the high altitude activities on day two with a 2-3 mile Noon time walk in flip flops, carrying our 2nd round of Bloody Marys. Just trying to acclimate. Kris and I also did yoga on the deck that afternoon, after the effects of the Bloody Marys wore off. Slow and steady....my motto.

After I got my "mountain lungs", I thought it would be great fun to try running at 6,000', in the rain. It was actually super fun! The clean, fresh air made up for the serious lack of oxygen in it, and I felt like a pretty bad ass athlete running in the rain at 6,000 feet, which was very apropos, since this is my "Bad Ass" year! (We had a conversation over dinner one night about "themes" for our birth-years and I determined that this year was my "Bad Ass" year, which is actually really funny because I'm far from a bad ass "anything". But this year, I am a bad ass at whatever/anything/everything. Because that's how bad asses roll....I guess).

Oh, and sure, we did plenty of this. I was with great friends, one of whom is a master mixologist, and we know how to have a great time!

Now, take a look at this beauty!

Rob and I had heard there was a tandem bike in the garage of the house we rented. We were excited! I think we had some "sun-shiney" illusions of coasting around town, carefree, probably a little buzzed, etc.
In reality, this is the Demon Bike. The Brake-Less Beast. The Double Caution. The "Why in The World Would We Take This Thing Around Donner Lake in The Wind and Rain With No Brakes, With A Seat So Low I Banged My Knees On The Handle Bars The Entire 7.4 Miles?". But believe it or not, we had a blast! Even though we wiped out once (the "no brakes" thing was really an unfortunate surprise) and then almost T-boned a little kid on his bicycle, which was not nearly as bad ass as ours. We're kind of weird that way.

SoOooOOOoooo....I weigh in tomorrow. If I gained weight, I'm totally going back to the "eating and drinking" kind of vacation. Maybe.

Congratulations! You Lost Again This Week!

"Keep doing exactly what you're doing."

That's what the Weight Watchers on line weight tracker told me. That's what I want to see each week. Sure, it was only a .5 pound this week, not as much as the first week, but at least I'm moving in the right direction.

I started running again this week! I'm doing the Couch to 5K interval training program. The same one that I used to start training for the half marathon in 2010. I've run twice now, my third run is tomorrow and I am rewarding myself with new running shoes today!

I'm going to be on vacation now for a week and my goal is to NOT come back 5 pounds heavier, but actually at least another .5 pound lighter. We'll see. I'm bringing my running shoes!

Goddesses Don't (fill in the blank), We Buy Booze.

That was a joke from last night, but it's not as hillarious now for some reason.

I'm typing this blog entry from a supine position on the couch, with my lap top on my belly, and the watery ice cube remains of a bloody mary next to me.

My girlfriends and I had a fabulously fun time last night, as usual, at one our "Goddess" parties. That's where we all get together and bring our favorite foods and beverages, sometimes we do "crafty" / "Soul Collage-ing" type things, we've had mobile masseuses come and give massages, etc. But mostly we eat, drink, talk, laugh, eat, drink some more, and sometimes get a little wild.

Last night's party started off demurely enough with pedicures, vodka martinis and cocktail meatballs. Someone even brought lemon bars....I don't think it get's any more proper than that. But as the witching hour neared, we all flung off our bras, and what small amount of common sense we had left, and decided to go on a 2 mile trek to walk one of the goddesses home and retrieve my husband.

Some of us brought beers on our walk (why we thought it was a good idea to switch from vodka martinis, to wine, to beer, is still a mystery to me), and of course had a run in with the police. They were actually looking for someone and just asked us if we'd seen anything suspicious. I was pretty miffed that 6 loud, bra-less, decidedly un-ladylike, drunken women, walking after midnight with beer bottles and reeking of Mango Chutney Brown Rice Salad, didn't seem a bit suspicious to them, but whatever.

We dropped off one Goddess, picked up my husband (who had been drinking Scotch and smoking cigars with another husband), and we all, somehow, made it back home safely!

This was our buffet (and a couple of the Goddesses), or part of it, there was a constant rotation of culinary delights:

And the reason I will be eating soup for the next three days.

I did lose 2.5 pounds my first week back on Weight Watchers! Well, as of yesterday before the party anyway.....

Hello, Old Friend!

I am not an inspiration. I am a study in perseverance. I am the average, every day experience, with a little more than the average amount of tenacity thrown in. And yes...the ability to laugh at myself, a distinct lack of self decorum and an almost non-existent filter. But if the truth be known, I am having as much fun failing as I would be having were I to succeed.

I don't mind that, when I constantly say: "THIS time....I MEAN it!" a few folks might roll their eyes, maybe some can relate, and maybe some just enjoy watching train wrecks. Not the graphic, tragic kind. But the fun, harmless kind. This is assuming anyone reads this. (I know who you three are, by the way. The relater, the train wreck watcher, and the eye roller!)

It's hard to succeed when I really don't mind the failing. But I'm going to try again.

I had a very inspiring visit from my niece Veronica last weekend who has lost 45 pounds using Weight Watchers and is now running 5K races, and I'm sure will be progressing to a 10K soon!

I hiked with my friend Kristin last week. She's really looking lean and fit. "How are you doing it?", I ask. Oh. Eat less, exercise more. "Yeah, but what's the SECRET??!?" (sigh)

I'm doing Weight Watchers again! But this time (all together now) I MEAN IT!

I'm down two pounds since Sunday. I guess it will probably work if I stick to it. ("Probably"/"stick to it" - already seld-defeating, already questioning my ability to stick to it! I see how I am.)
I made the best Mexican Chicken Soup this week to kick off my return to WW. I love their recipes! I've forgotten how much fun it is to browse through the thousands of recipes and chop, chop, chop (I always pick the ones involving the most fresh produce and lots of chopping!).

Would it be too much, or is it inappropriate, if I ask you to wish me luck? Again? : )

Born To Be Wild, Sort Of.....

Here's how it played out....

Thursday before Memorial Day Weekend:

Rob: "What should we do this weekend? Feel like doing something FUN?"
Me: "Yeah! What should we do??" (prepares list of possible ideas: hikes, local events/art shows/pub crawling in the city? We can't decide.)

Friday before Memorial Day Weekend:

Rob: "What do you think about renting that Harley? They still have the deposit from the time we cancelled......"
Me: "Yeah! Great idea! Check on that!" (ha ha ha...there's no way there will be a bike available for the weekend.)
Rob: "We got a bike, we're picking it up tomorrow morning for the weekend!"
Me: "Oh cool!" (oh craaaaap!)

You see, I've never been on the back of a motorcycle, except for maybe the one time I got a ride home, ok twice I've gotten a ride home from a party on the back of a motorcycle...once when I was 15 and once when I was old enough to know better. But anyway....

If you know me, you know that I'm afraid of pretty much everything. In particular, I'm afraid of riding on motorcycles. It's just so dangerous! But I still try to do the things I'm afraid of, even if I can't breathe very well and I need to constantly google map the nearest hospitals, just in case. It kind of sucks, but that's just how I am. So this would be no different. I was excited, and scared. I knew that Rob has really missed riding. He had a motorcycle for 8 years before he even had a car.

So we decided to take off, no hard plans, just let a few people know we were going to be cruising around....and let the adventure unfold!

We went early Saturday morning to California Motorcycle Adventures in Mountain View and picked up this sweet 2010 Harley Davidson Electra glide:

I put the helmet on and, of course, I got claustrophobic immediately and couldn't breathe. But I kept my mouth shut (literally, the helmet was so tight, I couldn't open my mouth!).  I really wanted to do this. Mostly for Rob. But also, what woman doesn't have that fantasy of being a biker chic? So off we went. And I wasn't scared! Well, there was the initial moment of panic, shortness of breath, lifting and lowering of the visor to check on air flow, reduced to a more generalized fear of crashing and dying, etc. but it was quickly replaced by an amazing feeling of freedom. I reached a point within the first couple of miles where, as I  held on to Rob, I could just "feel" that he knew what he was doing. So I was ok. He would take care of me. Now I could just relax and enjoy the ride. And what a ride it was! We had the most spectacular weekend ever! I know I say that a lot...but this was really...spectacular!

We headed over Hwy 84 to the coast and headed down Hwy 1 to Moss Landing where we met our friend Tony and his daughter Becca at Phil's Fish Market:

After lunch, they took us on a ride through the back roads of Salinas, Watsonville,  and Elkhorn Slew, and we ended up at Gizdich Ranch, a berry farm where you can order pie by the slice, or a whole pie to go!

We opted for the Olollieiberry Pie to go and headed back North, through the Santa Cruz mountains on Hwy 9, to our friends' home in the mountains.

Thanks Dave and Liz, Jac and Seren! A lovely deck, a fire, some burgers and pie, (a little booze!) a cabin in the redwoods, and our little navigator helping plan the next day's route! Perfect.

 Our favorite Mountain Sprite, Seren!

 And off we go!

The next day we decided to head back South, then East through Carmel Valley and over to Pinnacles National Monument.

Carmel Valley, in my opinion, is one of the most beautiful places on earth. I think I even choked up a little bit cruising by some of the oldest ranches in California history. My pictures don't do it justice.

Road to Pinnacles! (the small, winding roads were the best!)

7 pm, we rolled into Fremont. But we just couldn't stop riding. SO, we went straight past our house, up through Niles Canyon, and into Pleasanton to have dinner at one of our old favorite Mexican restaurants.

Clearly....we were born to ride...horse, Harley, whatever. Rob needs a bike. I get it.