Ha ha ha! Not really. I just want to be the size I was when this picture was taken. Not the one on the bottom, the one above it. The one on the bottom is me now....kind of “middle aged mom” sized (with the hot husband, always slim, kills me!). The one on the top was me “middle aged hot mom” sized. (Oh! In case you're wondering? Yes, I too am asking myself why I thought it was appropriate to wear a dominatrix costume to work. Different time, different kind of company. That's all I can say.)
Come ON! It’s not like I’m trying to be the size I was in high school. Not even college. Not even the size I was in my late 20’s (I kind of chubbed out in my late 20’s). This picture was from my mid- 30’s, I had already had a child, so I can’t say that I’m trying to be the size I was before I “had kids”, for crying out loud. Why is it so difficult?
Come ON! It’s not like I’m trying to be the size I was in high school. Not even college. Not even the size I was in my late 20’s (I kind of chubbed out in my late 20’s). This picture was from my mid- 30’s, I had already had a child, so I can’t say that I’m trying to be the size I was before I “had kids”, for crying out loud. Why is it so difficult?
I’ll tell you one thing (in keeping with the scary, Halloween theme), I’m starting to get realllly creeped out. I can watch what I eat, record what I eat, and lose exactly three pounds. And there....I’ll....stay. No matter what. The flip side is that I can eat whatever the heck I want – bacon, cheese, chocolate, you name it, gain three pounds, and there...I’ll...stay. No matter what. It is just eerie! It’s like my body has decided that THIS weight, within THREE pounds, no MORE, no LESS, is where I need to be. I waffle back and forth between just trying to accept this strange mid-life phenomenon, amd saying “Oh, hell no. There is NO reason I can’t shave off 15 pounds and get back to my fly weight.” (the weight at which I feel most “fly”).
Everything was great until about 5 years ago. I turned 37 and I quit smoking (for real this time) . It appears that my metabolism was predestined to come to a screeching halt at the same time. What are the chances? It’s also difficult because the Tomlinson-Kaufman Summer Social Season (think camp outs, dinners downtown enjoying balmy evenings, BBQ’s, concerts, road trips, and summer parties) runs from Mid-May to Halloween. Then the Tomlinson-Kaufman Holiday Social Season is upon us and that runs from Halloween to about Easter. I’m so screwed!
I must stop having so much fun! I must change my mantra from “Eat, Drink, and be Merry” to something that sounds more like “Eat tiny portions, drink in moderation, and don’t be so damn merry all the time.” Whaaaat???? That just doesn't sound like me AT ALL.
I have only two options: 1) Stop whining and live my life. 2) Keep trying to get into my black vinyl dominatrix outfit.
Which will I choose?????
I'll get back to you on that. I have a date with Mr. P.F. Chang tonight. Oh holy-mary-mother-of-god I love me some chang!
7 comments:
I think you should pick #1. You are already so happy about everything else in your life...Your "now weight" is also wonderful! You are "there." Enjoy being "there." LOL
Chang, Chang, Chang!! Chang a fools!
Awww, thanks Laura. But I think I have to go with door number 2. It's the ONLY thing I'm not happy about. I feel fine until I look at pictures and don't recognize myself! (that's not how I look in my head!!)
And Ramon...you're silly! I like your new profile picture, you look like such a nice young man (using my mom voice). I didn't want to post that on your FB page and embarass you! lol
Girl, all I can say is I SO HAVE BEEN THERE! You're writing is like I'm finally saying it! I think I am currently at a good mental stage, a stage just past grim acceptance. I now train for events because I, well, because, I ...I sorta like it, for many reasons and regardless of what I look like...AND (get this) all the rest is coming easier (healthier eating, lower portions)! And, my stomach fat stores are slowly, slowly budging, so I may fit into a dominatrix costume one day, who knows!
Love ya, hang in there, be happy!
Tish
well who said grammar was a given at my age...LOL Your writing...you ARE writing, you are WRITING...whatev! xoxo --T
Thanks for sharing Tish! Sometimes I'm at a good mental place, and other times, welllll not so much. This week - not so much! Then I'll kick ass in the half marathon next weekend and probably feel like a goddess again. But seriously...I look way different in my mind. Kind of like your Lara Croft profile pic! LOL! Right???
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