Back The F&%$ OFF!!

Just kidding. Or practicing! No....kidding.

I'm not a fighter. Unless we're talking "Dance Off!", in which case I WILL....kick....your....ass.

But lookie here at my Christmas present from Santa Rob!

It's a Boker Trapperliner with a red bone handle. It has a cool one handed opening feature and all sorts of other details that sounded necessary and awesome. It's a must have for any cowgirl out on the trail. Not for protection so much (I'm afraid I might do more damage to myself than a would-be assailant), but to get out of potential sticky (stuck?) sitcheeashuns (that's 'Cowboy' for "situations"). It cuts through leather, rope, whatever we might get hung up on. Hopefully I won't have to use it, but I better practice cutting stuff just in case!

It's all part of the "Cowgirl Essentials" collection that I'm amassing for my complete Cowgirl transformation. There's still some other things I need. To quote Cowgirl Red (blogger), a "spanks/chaps combo" would be delightful! I could also use some jeans that come up higher than my belly button but don't look like mom jeans or the godawful armpit waisted Wranglers that the FFA kids in high school used to wear, and are still being manufactured I have noticed. Some cows would be good too I suppose.

This is what I have to work with. A shamefully muddy horse.

Don't let her crestfallen look fool you. She is extremely proud of her mud jacket. She can blend in with her surroundings and she smells like crap. No predator animals will pay her any mind. 

I made the decision not to blanket my horse after doing a lot of research. She has shelter she can go into, we're in California, not Nebraska, horses can self-regulate their body temperature and blanketing them can impede their natural abilities, etc. etc.  The down side is that I have a ridiculously dirty horse. But that's ok (eye roll, long suffering sigh). She deserves to be a horse.

Hey, remember how I was complaining about Chia seeds? Well, I found a way to eat them after all! Actually, I do this for my husband. I'm not much of an "energy bar" person, but Rob eats a couple of those overly processed, sugar filled, protein bars a day. So this is his new alternative!

They are raw, vegan, and pretty tasty! Here is how you make them:

Combine:
3/4 Cup Old Fashioned Quaker Oats
2 Oz Chia Seeds (this is the Chia seed part!!!)
1 Oz Sesame Seeds
1/3 Cup shredded sweetened coconut
1/3 Cup Peanut Butter
1/4 Cup Flax seed Meal
1 Tbl Coconut oil
1 Tbl Agave nectar

Smush it all up, press it into a baking dish lined with plastic wrap, cover with plastic wrap and smush it down even, then put it in the freezer for two hours. Remove from freezer, flip it out of the baking dish and onto a cutting board and cut it into squares. It's supposed to make 12 servings, but they would be the size of caramel chews, so I say more like 8 servings. Enjoy!

I started Weight Watchers again this week because I love to cook and their recipes are the BOMB. Seriously, the best recipes I've made. I'm down 1.5 pounds since Sunday and I think...I KNOW...that if I can just stick with it, I will finally lose those 20 pounds that crept up on me after I quit smoking and met the love of my life! This is my year....I can feel it. : )

Happy 12/12/12!

It is a glorious day. I can fit into my fat jeans again! I actually stole that line from a friend. I love it! Let's celebrate!

Chia Seeds don't work. Well, they might if I actually ate them, but I found them to be a bit...uh...crunchy and distracting. I probably just didn't eat enough of them. Think of taking a mouthful of sugar to cure hiccups (have you tried that?) or a handful of peanuts when your mouth is already dry. That's what it's like to eat them. I even mixed them in with my yogurt and cereal. There are only so many foods you can mix them into/add them on top of. I'm just not committed enough to risk my home made Mac 'n Cheese tonight by adding them as a topping in lieu of bread crumbs!

Anyway, I'm in one of those moods where I have a love/hate relationship with my body. My Neanderthal brain is trying to high five me for setting myself up to survive the winter and attract my mate with my ample and obvious "health". I don't hate it. I feel like I'm supposed to hate being this size, but I don't want to.

My modern brain is another story! It's not being very helpful, in fact it's being downright hurtful.

You wouldn't believe some of the things I catch myself saying to myself when I pay attention (I can only imagine what I say to myself when I'm NOT paying attention!). I'm beginning to suspect some trickery and high jinks. I really wish I knew where those feelings of anger, disgust, and inadequacy stem from. I really like Neanderthal brain. Much nicer!
So let me think on that for a while....

My horse doesn't care! : )

Speaking of my horse (really smooth transition, I know) I sure picked a challenging one! She's emotional and sensitive, and very good at expressing herself (and because she's a horse, she really doesn't care if it hurts my feelings). When I show up, halter in hand, she turns and walks the other way a few steps (at least she only goes a few steps). But if we're going out on a trail ride, I swear it looks like she's watching me hitch up the trailer and she waits for me in her stall (no walking away!). It's weird. FYI - horses don't generally like trailer rides like dogs like car rides, and they don't like to be away from their familiar surroundings and horse/herd friends either.

When I try to work her in the arena, we don't really see eye to eye a lot of the time. She has moments of brilliance, which give me hope, followed by days of complete sullenness that leave me frustrated. On days that are more mediocre, she cooperates somewhat (because I've worn her down, probably!) but she's got one eye on the gate and tries to hurry through our schooling session so that it will be over.

I can't really blame her. She's had 5 owners in the past 7 years, not by any fault of her own. She's not a bad horse, not a problem horse. She's had good, kind owners. I don't know of any abuse in her past. She just hasn't had a whole lot of consistency. We're coming along, but horse time is much slower than human time. As much as I appreciate the advice and help of well meaning horse friends, it really is our own journey to travel together. We'll figure things out. I have no problem taking the long and hard way. I don't know when we'll have that "magical bond" that happens between horse and rider. I see a glimmer from time to time....like when she comes to me while I clean her stall just to say hello and get a scratch (I have to be careful not to love on her too much or she freaks out and goes away!), or when we're out on the trail, just the two of us, and I can feel her relax underneath me and we both seem to move into the same, slow, time-zone for a while.

I had my last horse for 25 years, and I'm pretty sure we didn't have that bond after just one year, maybe not even after 10! I can't tell you when it happened. Maybe it was the day she died and she tried to stay with me because I was so sad. It's different with every horse and human. I have a feeling Maddie is going to really make me work for it, which is just fine with me. I'm here to stay, Baby Girl!

Ch Ch Ch Chia!

Wow, it's been a while! I've been so busy. I organized/hosted a Vaquero Horsemanship Clinic on November 17th/18th and all of my time in the weeks before was spent on that, and work, and house, and horse, and...and...well, you know.

It was a great success! It was a lot of work and I spent the following week wandering around in a sleep deprived haze. But...we're going to do it again!

Here are some pictures.

We filled the clinic with 12 riders and had several auditors (people watching, not on horseback):

The Tri-Tip BBQ Saturday Night was a hit! Rob and a friend grilled 12 Santa Maria style Tri Tip steaks and we fed about 40 people:

Our super fun and talented entertainment, Michael McNevin and Patrick McLellan (their first number was "Don't Fence Me In"!):

As you can imagine - my healthy eating went by the wayside and I managed to creep back up to my usual starting "high weight".

But THEN I caught an episode of Dr. Oz about a miracle weight loss aid - the super food; "Chia Seeds". Google it! They are a complete protein, high fiber, high in Omega 3's tiny seed that you eat by the Tablespoon-full. They hold 9 times their weight in water and help you feel full, aid in digestion, etc. I started yesterday and lo and behold, I only ate about 1200 calories instead of my usual 2500. I just wasn't hungry! I'm also trying to make those calories count with healthier choices. Since I'm going to be eating less, I want to pack as many nutrients as possible into my daily diet. I lost 1.5 pounds overnight. My goal is 2 pounds a week, 16 pounds in two months and I'll be at my goal weight.

Let's see how THIS one works!

Staying Real

This is super boring, but I suppose if I'm going to "get real", that means I better "stay real". It's not nearly as much fun as it is to go wild, then lament about my lack of progress, then make up all kinds of stories for myself.

I didn't lose anything this week. But I didn't gain either. And I know exactly why, because I was honest. But it's between me and my notebook (pssssst...it's Halloween week!).

Getting Real...REALLY Real.

All right. I had a really long talk with myself. It got deep. I wanted to be completely open and honest, hold nothing back. That sounds kind of silly, but if you know anything about human nature, you know all about the stories we tell ourselves...OH, the stories! Anything to appease the ego, to get instant gratification, or to make ourselves feel better about the less-than excellent choices we may be making on a daily basis.

One good example is that of a smoker who doesn't want to quit smoking, or DOES, but is afraid. She will tell herself ALL kinds of stories to continue smoking. I know, because that was me once. The self deception was really shocking. I thought that experience taught me all I needed to know about our capacity for self-deceipt, but apparently I'm a natural. So good at it that I don't always know when I'm doing it! (on a conscious level) That could be true for many of us!

So what's different here? Nothing. Do I want to get back to my healthier weight? The one where I felt comfortable in my jeans, in a bathing suit (as comfortable as one can ever feel in a bathing suit). If the answer is no, then I need to accept it. If the answer is yes, well, that's where the talk comes in.

What am I telling myself on a daily basis that is preventing me from achieving my goals?

I wanted to unravel the web of deception I've been weaving for myself. That has to be where I'm going wrong. It just has to be. This is Getting Real 101. Here are a few things I've figured out over the past couple of years:

1) I'm slightly-to-highly carb sensitive. I know this because my blood sugar was tested at a health fair once and they told me I was almost diabetic....and not to eat dried fruit. That's all I remember, I'm sure there was more.

2) When I eat carbs, the starchy kind, I hop on board the carb-train and cannot get off! I eat everything in sight! It's really weird, and kind of scary, how out of control I feel.

3) Eating low carb, does NOT mean I get to eat cheese and olives and bacon all day long. I don't care if Atkins says I can (not that I've tried Atkins). He doesn't know just HOW much cheese and olives and bacon I can put away in a day.

4) I love red wine. Love, love, love red wine (and the occasional martini). But it's not calorie free, nor do I get a "wine delta" if I do yoga or clean my horse's stall. The math doesn't work that way. Wine produces a chemical called acetate. Your body must burn that off BEFORE it reaches into it's fat stores. So anything you eat during the day, is just gonna have to wait it's turn to get burned off. If you drink a lot of wine, it's going to be a longer wait. If you have excess fat to burn (i.e. you would like to actually LOSE weight), the wait could be endless. Welcome to diet hell!

As much as I've tried to tell myself that "It's part of my fluid intake and I don't really have to count those calories because I can just get some extra physical activity and it will be a wash..." etc. etc. (the rationalizing goes on and on and becomes more entertaining and outlandish with every glass!), it's a lie.

5) Yoga works. Period. I'm a die hard believer that whatever ails you, yoga will help. If you feel fat, do yoga for a week. You'll feel like a lithe little jungle cat in no time! Your posture will improve (that's good for a couple of pounds right there), it will ease the stress and anxiety caused by change (I didn't really feel that, but I understand some people do.), the list goes on (firms muscles, improves sleep, increases flexibility, etc.)

So - this week, I decided to get real. No BS. I was going to have a  "do it or not, but just don't lie about it" kind of week (god, I think I've said that to a man or two in the past). And I did.

I did yoga every night because it helps....with everything.
I stuck to low carb - one serving of whole grains per day, the rest of the day, lean proteins (mostly), some healthy fats, dairy, all the fruit and vegetables I wanted.
I reduced my wine intake. I did a lot of research and decided that not only would (2) 5 oz. glasses per night be acceptable (that's really just one big glass of wine), it could actually aid in weight loss. I'm not lying to myself, I READ THAT!

Well, I did it. I lost 3.5 pounds, feel nice and lean(er), and have to admit, there is probably something to "truth". Damn it!!!

I'm going to stick to it and see what happens. It's not easy being 100% honest with myself. Logging everything. EVERYthing. But if this is what I have to do, I'll do it.

YES!

Finally, something to report! I've lost a .5 pound! (That's a "HALF" pound, not "FIVE" pounds, in case your eyesight is going like mine and you can't see the decimal in front of the "5").

While this may not seem like big news, it's pretty huge. Why? Because I've actually stuck with something for more than a week and it's finally paying off!

I started tracking with Weight Watchers again several weeks ago, had some really fun weekends where all bets were off, yet still managed to maintain my current weight. Then, we had one weekend with no plans, and I actually came off of it weighing exactly the same as I did going into it! That has never happened.  I think it allowed me to actually lose a little bit this week, instead of just losing what I had gained over two days of too much fun!

And it gives me some inspiration to try it again this weekend (no plans again), and then maybe....maybe....try it over a weekend where we do have plans!

The point is, I think it can be done. I don't think I'm stuck. I don't know if I'll get into Rob's birthday dress by November 21st.....but I'm still going to try.

Back to the horse front, this is my friend Linda and I:

We figured out that we haven't ridden together in about 30 years!  Now that I have a trailer, I can go visit her and we can ride together. So much fun! In case you're curious about our history together, here is a little story about the first time she and I ever rode a horse (and not just the pony-ride kind of ride):

Nanuk and StarBucks - Eline and Linda's Wild Ride

Linda and I went to grade school together and there was a pasture with two horses behind the schoolyard. We were probably 8 or 9 years old. When we weren't galloping around the playground pretending we were wild horses, we were stealing apples from the auditorium garbage cans after lunch and feeding them to the horses.


One day after school, we brought a couple of  boxes of sugar cubes back to the pasture and started feeding them to the horses....ALL of them!

We must have been eating them too because we got hopped up enough to think it was a good idea to dare each other to climb the fence and jump on a horse. We had both read The Black Stallion series - so we knew exactly how it was going to go down, of course.

We chose our mounts (mine was Nanuk, a palomino gelding), climbed the fence and hopped on. One horse took off at a gallop and the other one followed. They ran across the field, down a hill, jumped across a little creek, then into the woods, zig zagging all over the place (and going under every low branch they could find!).

They finally galloped out of the woods and into a clearing, then hung a sharp right into the barn. We slid off their backs, shaking like crazy, and realized we were trapped in the barn because the house was right across the driveway and we didn't want to get shot! (which we figured was the penalty for riding someone else's horse without permission).

Eventually we managed to sneak out of the barn and ran back down through the woods, hootin' and hollerin' of course - VERY impressed with our horseback riding skills (not to mention lucky to have survived!).

We were hooked after that! That is the only ride I remember, but Linda said we rode these horses pretty regularly after that.

We got our first ponies shortly after (we had been working on our parents for a few years prior to our wild ride. I think the ride just made us that much more persistent!)

Can you imagine how much fun it is to ride together again? Not quite as exhilarating as that first ride...but pretty fun!

Just Too Darn Busy Having Fun!

I'm still down 4 pounds and I lost a couple of inches from my waist, but I've sort of stalled. I think I should probably go back to tracking for a while to see where I might be over-doing it.

Eating low carb has turned out to be very easy and makes me feel better anyway, so it's a win win. If I don't lose more weight, then whatever. As long as my horse's knees don't buckle under me, we're good!

Since I got the truck and trailer, Maddie and I have been out and about having the time of our lives!

We met my friend Carla and her horse Rain at a Gymkhana in Livermore where we took 2nd place over all in our division! In case you don't know, Gymkhana is barrel racing, pole bending, etc. The horse and rider are timed and the fastest horse with no penalties wins! We were just doing it for fun and didn't go too fast. We were also in the most novice group! But I was very proud of my baby girl. She's always up for anything!

Here is Carla and I:

My Champion!

Then I took a drive out to Livermore to ride with my childhood friend Linda! We got our first ponies together when we were 10 years old - Baby Doll and Little Vick. Then we got our big horses at around the same time when we were 12 or so - Mandy and Duffy. We haven't ridden together in 30 years! What a treat!

The Livermore ranch lands:

Here we are in Sunol Regional Park!

One of our first solo trailer rides was to Sycamore Grove Park in Livermore:

I'm afraid people won't be seeing too much of me when the weather is nice!