The Dreaded "P" Word!

I ate two hot dogs at the beach yesterday. There, I feel better. Now let’s move on, shall we?

My official monthly weigh in is next week. As usual, I had Rob pull the scale out of hiding a few days ago so that I can see where I am…I don’t like surprises. I stepped on the scale, anticipating loads of confetti dropping from the ceiling and uproarious applause from the audience (ala the Biggest Loser finale), but what in Sam Hill? It looks like I only lost a measly half pound from a MONTH ago! I know, I know…it’s not JUST the number on the scale. But considering I am also the same size as a month ago, I’m afraid it kind of is (although I still have to pull out the tape measure, but I’m pretty sure I haven’t shrunk any...maybe a tiny bit).

I fear I’ve hit the dreaded “Plateau”. I’m doing the same exact things that were working for the past few months, even trying to be a bit more careful with my eating, and definitely not seeing the “pay off”. Now usually, this wouldn’t be a big deal and it wouldn’t get me down...this much. But c’mon! A month before the wedding? At the beginning of bathing suit season? Could the timing for this stupid plateau be any worse?

Last night, I spent about two hours going through what felt suspiciously like “the grieving process”:

Denial: There’s no way I’ve only lost a half pound. I must have eaten something really salty and I’m just retaining a bunch of water, right? Maybe I lost 4 pounds, and then gained some “water weight” at my bachelorette weekend? I know….it’s muscle….!

Anger: Both at myself and at the Universe. I even heard Parker Posey’s voice say “Welcome to your 40’s, bitch!” (it’s weird, but you know that inner “negative talk” voice that we have that we’re supposed to learn to ignore and replace with “supportive, positive affirmations” because the negative voice keeps us trapped in a cycle of self loathing and feeling inadequate when really we’re all just fine the way we are? Well, mine sounds like Parker Posey’s character, Darla, from the movie “Dazed and Confused”. I bet it would be a lot easier to ignore my inner voice if it wasn’t the voice of an awesome indie actress like Parker Posey! I just love her!). But I digress…

Bargaining: Ok, if I start doing weight training and shave another few hundred calories from my already meager diet of fruits and nuts (it feels like), can I please, please just lose 5 more pounds this month!!??

Depression: Rob found me sitting in the back yard with my arms folded across my chest looking a bit pensive. He sat down across from me, his head tilted, studying my face for clues and looking a bit concerned (Ok, we were really just sitting outside having a beer and I stopped talking for about 30 seconds and crossed my arms because I was cold. But doesn’t my blog version sound much more dramatic?) Anyway - he DID look at me questioningly, and I lied and said I was trying to remember a recipe for a no-mayo tuna salad that my friend Kris told me about. But really I was kind of sad…for a couple of seconds there. Of course Rob already knew this because I had just finished going on and on about the how's and why's of my current mood (he really is lucky you know. I'm not the type to say "Oh, nothing." when he asks me "What's wrong?", in fact he rarely gets the chance to ask). I was just tired of feeling down and realized it was no longer constructive to keep talking about it. I was ready to move on to the next step in the process... and I was sort of thinking about that that no mayo tuna salad.

Acceptance: Mostly because I don’t like to be sad and it was time to move on. 5 minutes of depression is about 4 minutes too long if you ask me, life is too beautiful, amazing and short! But also because underneath the spastic exterior, I’m actually quite logical and reasonable (Idea...I should change my inner voice to that of Spock!). I do feel good. I feel healthy. I know that it’s more than how we look on the outside that is important in the larger scheme of things. I bet that, had I the forethought to take some vital measurements like body fat composition, blood pressure, blood sugar levels, cholesterol, etc., I would feel very pleased with my progress thus far!

So, the verdict is this: I’m not going to take up weight training, despite what I just read on About.com-breaking-through-weight-loss-plateaus, because I HATE weight training. I am, however, going to do more yoga. Yoga makes me feel like a goddess regardless of what I look like on the outside. If I can’t beat it (my body), I’ll just join it!

Now, I’m off to hike with Rob and some friends on this beautiful morning!