In Case You're Wondering.....

I lost 3 pounds this week doing "Nothing".

A few observations:

I feel much more relaxed about food. I've even re-introduced myself to the joys of peanut butter! I think I may even be eating less now that the restrictions are off, but of course I wouldn't know. I'm letting go of the need to know. I'm trying to wing it.

I'm just not that hungry anymore. Before, I would feel an almost "anguished" kind of hunger all the time: "What will I eat??? WHAT CAN I EAT?!" What could I eat that wouldn't make me more hungry, guilty, or fat, a weak-willed failure? The simple question of what I could eat was loaded. I wonder if much of my hunger was psychological. Yes? 

Don't get me wrong, I still love food! I love to shop for it, I love to cook it, and I love to eat it! But I'm trying to quiet down a bit and listen to what my body is telling me. "What do you want, Sunshine? I'll give you anything you want. No judgement, no guilt!" And I hear the words of Michael Pollan in my head: Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.

I think I've got it now.....

The Good News Is....

I have 8 full months before swimsuit season.

I didn't even bother weighing in or blogging last Friday because I knew I was up a pound or two. Then we went camping and ate and drank...a lot. So it just got worse.

As I mentioned before, I have 8 full months before swimsuit season and instead of waiting until January to make a resolution to "Get fit and trim, for real this time", I'm going to start October with a new kind of resolution. I'll call it my "New Revolution Resolution".

You know that old saying: "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always gotten"? Well, I feel like I'm living that adage. I'm like a hamster on a hamster wheel. Working hard and going nowhere. I'm exhausted. I don't know why I keep doing the same thing but expecting a different result. I'm going to try something different (big surprise there).

That something is...."Nothing". It's all the rage.

I read in an article that recent studies have shown that the best way to stay trim and fit is to make sure you never gain weight to begin with. Losing weight is really that hard. The next article I read mentioned a new study that shows that tracking what we eat is an excellent way to become aware of what we're eating and to keep us accountable, however it often causes undue stress which can lead to feelings of guilt and over-eating. It's a great tool for people who aren't really cognizant of their eating habits, and where they go wrong.

The thing is, I know where I go wrong. I don't need to shout it from the roof tops! (ie write it down) I don't have to track to "become aware of my eating habits", I already know my eating habits. I track consistently for a few days, staying "accountable" and in the "guilt free" points zone, eating mostly healthfully.  Then I'll over-indulge, feel too guilty to track it, and, well, since my tracker is now completely falsified, I'll just give up for a few days. During the "giving up" period, it's a free for all. It's a "break" so I better take advantage of it. This is the hamster wheel. This keeps me at at or near my current weight, but never allows me to lose anything substantial.

I decided to start a one woman revolution and just do "Nothing". It's kind of like one of those "sit ins" they did in the 60's. Those hippies were on to something. They could do nothing but sit (strategically) and change the world forever. I'm going to start doing Nothing (strategically) today!

My hope is that by doing "Nothing", I can reset my body and mind back to the factory default setting. What would that look like? What is my default setting? I think it's me enjoying food but not thinking overmuch about it. Eating to nourish my body, not to punish or reward. No guilt trippy binges followed by head trippy quinoa and kale fasts.

I decided to try doing "Nothing" today. Just...you know...whatevs. Food...meh. I was surprised with how "less fixated" on food I am already. Instead of starting the day in a slight panic worrying that I'll blow my points by lunch and I'll be done for, I just ate. I had yogurt and fruit for breakfast, a sandwich and apple chips for lunch (omg...a sandwich! With bread! And CHEESE on it), and I'm having warm salmon nicoise salad for dinner. I snacked on some strawberries a little while ago. It's all I had in the fridge. I'm not panicked AT ALL. I'm not tracking, I'm not counting, I'm just eating like a normal person. I feel liberated. And also super cool and hip.

I'm going to just do "this" for a while and not worry about it. I love Weight Watchers, and I firmly believe that it works. But I just need a break. I want to not think about food "in that way" anymore and just live my life and eat the healthy foods I love, and occasionally the foods I love to indulge in. And if I stay the same weight, it won't be because I'm a  failure. If I don't lose weight, it's because I'm 43 and I let myself gain 20 pounds and now I'm eating healthfully but not starving.

We'll see how it goes. I'm excited to start this revolution!

I Can Do This

I got back on track...just like I said I would! I did yoga several times this week, I'm hiking today, I shoveled plenty of horse manure, swam a bit, and I tracked what I ate (mostly). I lost 3 of the 5 pounds I gained. Yayyyyy me!

So I'll just do more of the same and see if my progress continues.

I ate a lot more vegetables this week.

Broccoli stir fry (two nights)
Sauteed mustard greens over quinoa with grated parmesan and toasted pine nuts (three lunches)
Soy chorizo/egg burritos with goat cheese, cilantro and avocado (ok, not a lot of vegetables here, but delicious!)
Fish and Vegetable bake tonight!

I'll try to remember to take pictures again so that my blog can be more colorful!

Confessions of a Party Girl

This week I'm going to eat vegetables over brown rice every night for dinner. I'm hiking, dammit, and I'm doing yoga EVERY day.

That's all I'm going to say on the matter.

Ok, I'll come clean. Two Mexican Fiestas, a Chinese Buffet, a Camp Out with decadent food and adult beverages being the focus, no time for hiking, yoga, etc. = Holy Crap! I gained 5 pounds.

One would think that shoveling horse poop almost every day would whittle one down to nothing. But it appears that the fresh air and manure management only stoked my appetite. This week is all about damage control and hopefully getting myself back into healthier habits again. It's amazing how easy it is to fall off the wagon. But I can get back on it. Starting now...I'm going to hit "save", then "exit", then go do yoga.

7 Links

The folks over at Tripbase.com started this endeavor so we’d have a chance to look back on some of our older posts and learn a thing or two. The way it works is a blogger posts 7 links from the archives he/she finds most fitting for each of the categories. Then, at the end five more bloggers are “nominated” and they do the same. It’s already been spreading like crazy through the blogosphere.

I was tagged by my friend from way back in Junior High - Peg Nichols Peter - an ex-pat living in Brazil with her Scottish husband. She writes about everything - her kids, learning Portuguese, her travels, the duality of her life in Houston and Brazil. It's fun (and a little addictive) to read her humorous and insightful commentary on all the things she encounters and experiences in her extraordinary life. Her blog is The Tao of Me. Check it out!

Here are the seven posts I selected for the challenge:

Most Beautiful Post: Buddha Because I talk about my grandmother. And I think everyone is beautiful.

Most Popular Post: Buddhist Wedding Vows  This one is interesting. It's now #1 - #3 (depending on the day) in Google searches for "Buddhist Wedding Vows" of "Buddhist Marriage Ceremony". It's had close to 3,000 views from all over the world. From Oslo, Norway to South Africa and every place in between. I've had several people leave comments and it appears to be helpful, so...mission accomplished!

Most Controversial Post: But What About Filipe? Ok, ok. I know I'm just small potatoes, and I don't know if "controversial" is the right word here since there is nothing controversial about it, these are known facts, but it kind of freaked me out when this blog entry got picked up by a web crawler employed by a very large food corporation. No Cease and Desist letters were received though, so I'm good. Small potatoes, like I said.

Most Helpful Post: Actual Real Life Letter From A Blog Reader! Here I share 5 tips guaranteed to help you lose weight. Look how well it's worked for me! LOL!

And now I'm going to break the rules and post my 2nd Most Helpful Post: Mirror Mirror At The Mall Because when the 5 tips above don't work, this blog entry shared my tips for finding the best jeans to make your butt look smaller.

And I'm REALLY breaking the rules by posting the 3rd Most Helpful Post: The Long Version of My FB Status Because if the above referenced blogs are not helpful to you, then screw it.  Nature is perfect in it's imperfection...and so are we!

A post whose success surprised you: For Lack of Anything Profound, Bacon. The positive feed back I got on this post completely surprised me. I thought it was THE dumbest blog post entry EVER. I felt I had nothing to write, and just sort of "brain vomited" onto the keyboard. I almost didn't post it. But you know what? It holds up. I can read it again now and "get it". I still feel the same way. It was just honest "what's on my mind" writing. And the poem isn't so bad either. Lol!

A post you feel didn’t get the attention it deserved: No, Really. Where Is The Normal Person's Large? Because people should be more outraged.

The post that you are most proud of:  The Flip Side  I'm most proud of this post because I almost didn't post it at all. It's a very personal blog entry, and the one thing I've always hated about writing, even when I was in college majoring in it, was the fact that you have to share your most inner personal feelings. People will see your most personal self. If you don't, your writing will be hollow. It won't ring true. So I'm proud of this one because I overcame my fear and just posted it.


My nominations go to: Ramon Shiloh's Lame Ass Blog Because maybe it will get him to write more?

And that's IT! I don't have anyone else who I know who actually blogs regularly who I am also Facebook friends with and can post this on their wall!

Week Two and OMG...What Have I Done?

Did you know that butterflies weigh approximately .3 grams? This means that a stomach full of them can conspire to halt any weight loss progress. That's ok, I held steady this week - no gain or loss. I was just too  EXCITED to care!

Remember last week I looked at this horse:

And I said: "She's not exactly for sale, but I have a feeling that might change...."?  Sometimes I think I live an extraordinarily serendipitous life. Maybe it's just simple intuition, which I believe is nothing more than extreme confidence in one's "gut feeling". It just seems like whenever I decide I should "do" something, it's not really me deciding it at all! That "something" is already out there, and I'm powerless against it's pull. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm doing what I'm doing...driving somewhere, looking for something...my intellectual brain shuts off, I get really emotional and kind of "scatterred and focused" at the same time, and I find myself being navigated by "something else". Has that ever happened to any of you? It's really weird and kind of freaky. Anyway - it seems as if the stars align, something powerful is set in motion, and I just roll on to something wonderful. This horse is one of those "something wonderful"s. 

My friend Linda and I were looking at a few boarding stables together, checking out some horses, etc. I saw three or so horses, and I had about three or so more that I wanted to see over the course of the next week. One day, on a lark, (or whatever you want to call it), I randomly drove up to the Rocking S Ranch, which is just a few miles from my house, but not a place I was considering boarding my "future horse". I asked the owner if she knew of any horses for sale or lease. She said there might be one, (Maddie), and I could go take a look while she called the owner. She pointed me in the right direction and off I went.

As I approached the pasture, I heard a soft nicker, and Maddie came ambling over to say hello. She was so sweet. She had a fly mask on and I wanted to see her eyes, so I lifted one corner....and then I fell in love. I actually had tears in my eyes. It's hard to explain. But there was an instant connection, like magic.

I walked back up and waited for Maddie's owner to arrive. His name is Cris, a super nice guy who clearly loves his horses. "She's not for sale." he told me. "But I might consider a lease."  He invited me out on a trail ride. Between him and his partner, they have 8 horses together. Quite a lot for two people to handle, hence the possibility of a lease (I would pay him a fee and take care of his horse. In return...I get to take care of his horse.)

Maddie was exquisite on the trail. Only 6 years old and still in a bosal (a very light bridle, just a nose band, no bit in her mouth). She was responsive, engaged, and absolutely enjoying the ride. Cris told me that she had a few behaviors to watch out for: she may kick a horse if it's too close behind her, she may try to "turn short" or too quickly on some of the trail branches because she thinks she knows the way, she may try to run up the hill at the end of the trail, etc. I kept hearing him behind me say "Huh." as she failed to exhibit any of these behaviors. And it's a good thing she didn't, because our partnership out on the trail must have impressed Cris in some way. He told me he might consider selling her. Whooo hoooo! One step closer.

We parted ways with the understanding that I still had a few horses I was going to look at, I wanted to make sure I wasn't falling for the first pretty girl I see. Cris was going to consider things. We would touch base in a week. I told him - "I want to be completely honest with you. I love this horse and I know you do too. You need to know that if you ever do decide to sell her to me, I will probably move her to another boarding facility."  I worried a little bit that I might be blowing my chances, he would have a hard time saying good bye to this horse, but I also realized that, of course I wasn't blowing anything. And I owed him the courtesy of full disclosure.

By that evening, Maddie was my screen saver. She was my Facebook profile picture, I couldn't stop looking at her pictures, I couldn't stop talking about her. I was emotional and in awe. I tried to look at other horses the next day and my car broke down and had to be towed. I had a dream that night that I was walking Maddie into an arena, I saw a piece of paper fluttering around on the ground and bent over to pick it up. It had Cris' phone number on it and in bold print, it said "CALL".

So I called the next day. Do you know what Cris said? "I thought it over, and I decided to lease her to you for 60 days, and if it's really a match, which I already know it is, I will sell her to you." He said that what convinced him was how I responded to her, and she to me. That, and how he thought it was just "too weird" that he hadn't been planning on leasing or selling her, but he just happened to get this phone call one day that there was a lady at the ranch who wanted his horse......Yes, Cris. It's weird. That's how the magic happens!

I signed the lease last night.



Week One and Horsin' Around

Week one went well!

I lost 1.5 pounds. That's a start in the right direction. I only went over my points by about 50 (geez, imagine if I didn't go over!).

This was the only picture I remembered to take:

Chicken Salad on toasted Ciabata with a side of Kale chips!

In other news - Jacob started 7th grade and managed to navigate the public bus system! So far, he really likes it. He's growing up! Which made me realize....it's time. Time to get another horse (I know, where did that come from?). It's been 7 years since I had to put my beloved mare "Mandy" down. We had 22 wonderful years together! I still miss her. But......I started to think....why not get another one?

So I'm on a quest. I've got a great partner in crime. My friend Linda, who was my original partner in crime some 30+ years ago (we got our first ponies together when we were 10), has two horses and is offering me her guidance and expertise.

I cannot believe how much things have changed in the years I've been out of the horse world. The board is twice as expensive, but the horses sure aren't. Every boarding facility I check out has horses for lease, or sale...cheap...because the owners can no longer afford them, don't have the time to care for them, are getting divorced, etc. It's making me a little nervous. Am I doing the right thing? Maybe it's not the right time. But I have the fever, and I don't know if I can stop this train, even if I wanted to.

I guess a horse is a luxury. I never really thought of it that way. I remember it being a lot of work and expense, but the reward is immeasurable. People are crazy about their horses for a reason. There is nothing like looking into the eyes of your equine partner and seeing the trust and love (that they make you work for) reflected back at you. There is nothing like knowing your horse will do anything you ask of him or her, because you've earned their trust. Horses are used in therapy for a reason.

I didn't realize how badly I missed Mandy until Linda and I drove down the long gravel driveway to my old boarding stable. There was a quarter horse for sale that we wanted to check out. I don't know what came over me, but as soon as we started down that drive way I just lost it. The last time I made that drive, it was to say good bye to my best friend. I drove away a sad wreck and haven't stepped foot on a ranch since.

I had that horse through my pre-teens, teens, young adulthood, and into my motherhood years. She was a constant in my life (sometimes the only constant) for as long as I can remember. There were periods when I didn't have the time or money to care for her like I should have. But the promises that a little girl makes to her horse are not made lightly "Mandy, you are mine forever, I will never sell you, I will never abandon you." And I didn't. She was 36 when I put her down, which is very very old for a horse. I hadn't ridden her in at least 5 years because of her age. But I would go up and give her treats, groom her, and sometimes take naps laying on her back like I did when I was a kid.

It seems like looking at horses again is allowing me to properly grieve for my old one (considering that I had to take a break from typing to go dry my eyes). I think I'll be ready for my next forever horse soon. She's on her way to me, I know it.

It could be this little gal. Such a sweet heart, I just love her. I can't stop thinking about her or looking at her pictures. But I want to make sure I check out all my options and don't fall for the first pretty girl that comes along!

This is Madelyn, a 6 year old Walkaloosa (Tennessee Walking Horse and Appaloosa)

She is incredibly sweet and a pleaser. She's great out on the trail and just loves to be loved. Not a mean bone in her body. That's what I want. She's just what I want. She's not exactly for sale. But I have a feeling that might change....